One Dark and Stormy Night
by Fandoms2135
Summary: Dan loves Phil. Phil doesn't know. Phil secretly loves Dan. The usual.
1. Chapter 1

It was a dark and stormy night, typical in The Winter season of London. All of the power in the city was out. While most of the residents were dining by candlelight, Dan Howell however was trying to find something to keep his mind off of his biggest fear, the dark. He had been residing on the couch, reaching down to plug his phone and laptop in to charge, waiting for his roommate, Phil Lester, to come back with food whenever the lightning struck and the power all went down. He had no source or light, all of his electronic devices were dead, and all the candles were in the dining room drawers, it was just Dan and his biggest fear. Alone. All he could think about was the one thing that was always on his mind, his best friend and love, Phil Lester. Nobody knew about his secret affection for the dark haired boy. He had finally came to terms with his feelings about two weeks ago, and since then nothing had been the same with Phil. It was just awkward every time he tried to speak with him. It was just a combination of awkward grinning, mumbling, and lip biting. He couldn't have Phil find out his feelings, he couldn't bear it anymore, he was afraid if he told Phil, their friendship would be over. That's why nobody could find out, if somebody told him, Dan wouldn't have a best friend. Dan hadn't had a best friend for the first 18 years of his life, not having one for the rest of his life sounded way more unappealing.

Dan tried to suppress his feelings. He tried denying he. He really did try. Dan tried telling people he didn't. That he didn't spend hours upon hours each day in his room reading Phanfiction's from his followers. He didn't scroll through his Tumblr feed hoping to see drawings of him and Phil from the people who shipped them. Surprisingly, there were a lot of crazy fangirls out there who would've killed to see them together. Somehow, Dan was becoming one of those people. One of those crazy fangirls who shipped them more than they cared about their grades or social life. The thought of Phil finding out about it made him want to cry. Watching the Valentines Day video Phil "made" him did make him cry. the thought of Phil actually wanting him and being with him was too good even to dream. He knew Phil was straight, there was no denying it. But he just wished that Phil could change his mind just to be with him, but Dan wasn't one to believe that lives a fantasy and everybody got there happy endings. Would it be great if he did, definitely, but he wasn't going to sit around and wait for Phil to change just for him. Maybe happily ever after worked for some people, but for Daniel James Howell, it did not.

Since he developed these new feelings, Dan stayed locked up in his room more often. He would often find himself playing music or playing his piano to cover the sound of his cries from Phil. Dan even refused to leave his bedroom that day until Phil had left to get food. He only wished that he knew how Phil felt about him. That would make his life so much easier, if he wasn't attracted to Dan, that was fine with him, but he needed to know. He couldn't stay locked in his room every day for the rest of his life. One day he would have to tell Phil, hopefully that say wouldn't be too soon.

He had to change his train of thought before he had a breakdown, he decided. What could he think about. Not Phil. Not the darkness he was currently surrounded by. It was pointless. The only thing Dan could think of was Phil, the way his black hair fell into his eyes when he looked down, his ocean blue eyes lighting up whenever he laughed, the occasional dirty joke out of the corner of his mouth at dinner. Just everything about Phil. He was perfect. Utterly perfect. His sense of humor was amazing, his hair was gorgeous, his innocence was one of the funniest things about him. There was little more than Phil that Dan wanted in this world. Phils happiness meant more than anything to Dan, so even if Phil didn't love him back, if he was happy, Dan would be too.

"How long does it bloody take to get bloody takeout?" he muttered to himself as he wondered where Phil was. He had left at least an hour ago. Dan knew that it never took that long to get dinner, even in rush hour in downtown London. "Phil, please hurry up" Dan whispered as he started to shake. He didn't believe in paranormal things, yet he couldn't help but think of everything that could kill him as he sat there, alone. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees. He buried his head into his knees as he shook. Their usually cold apartment was becoming even colder without the heater. Dan began to shake out of coldness along with the fear, even with his blanket and sweatshirt, he couldn't stop from the shaking. He looked out of the window trying to make out any walking figures on the sidewalk. He couldn't make out any faces, and he just kind of silently let tears fall down his pale face. "Phillip Michael Lester, bloody get back here!" He yelled into the darkness covering his face with his hands. He could barely handle it. Dan thought about lighting the fireplace for heat, but he knew he couldn't get to the matches, he wrapped his blanket tightly around himself "Phil, Please come home" he cried. Dan felt the area around him on the couch and found another piece of fabric, he pulled it onto his shoulders for warmth. He caught the scent of something and automatically threw it across the room, it was Phil's. There was no mistake with the cologne. Everything in their apartment reminded Dan of him. Literally everything "Phil please" he whispered

Phil had gotten his and Dans food and caught a cab whenever the power went out. He hadn't noticed the power and he texted Dan to tell him he had got the food. He had urged Dan multiple times to come get the food with him, but he wouldn't even come out of his bedroom, he just shouted no at Phil until he finally left. When he didn't get a reply from Dan about the food, he just shrugged it off, it was probably just Dan not replying, like usual. When he got stuck in traffic, Phil texted Dan again to tell him that he'd be late with the food. After about forty minutes without Dan even looking at the text, Phil started to worry. He had been worried about Dan for a couple of weeks now, he just wasn't the same. Now Dan only came out of his room for food and the occasional chat. It worried Phil. It worried Phil more than anything, Dan was his best friend and he couldn't let anything happen to him. Usually Dan would listen to his music with headphones, but lately his music was on full blast 24/7. Or he'd be playing the old piano, which usually only happened once in a couple of weeks. Something was bothering Dan, and Phil intended to figure out what it was. He would do anything to pry it out of Dan. Phil wondered about how Dan was doing alone the entire trip home. The cab driver eventually got out of the traffic and stopped in front of their apartment, Phil payed for his trip "Have a nice night" he called to the cabbie as he crawled out of the door with the takeout. The city looked more dead than usual, but he payed it no mind. He stepped into the building and noticed that the lights were all out, he just shrugged it off and pulled out his phone turning the flashlight on. He practically skipped up the stairs, ready for the usual dinner and talking with Dan part of his day. He didn't know why, but that was slowly starting to become his favorite part of the day. The way he just sat across from Dan as they talked, the way Dans chestnut brown eyes seemed to light up when he laughed, the way his face turned red when Phil would make dirty comments out of the side of his mouth, just his voice and his laugh, just everything about dinner with Dan was perfect. He unlocked the door and looked into the dark rooms, "Dan", he called, "Dan where are you, why are all the lights turned off and why is it so cold? Daniel" Phil sat the food on the table and looked around the seemingly deserted apartment, "Dan" he called once again "where are y-" he then caught sight of the bundle of blankets. He rushed over to his friend "Dan what's going on here. What's all this abo-" Phil was cut off by Dan throwing his arms around him

"Bloody Dan, what's going on?" Phil asked jumping a little when Dan hugged him

"Phil" Dan breathed heavily "Thank God you're home."

"Christ mate, I tried texting you"

"Powers out and phones dead"

Phil suddenly thought he understood about Dan "Oh. Well I've got dinner in the dining room, so you up for food?"

He bit his lip and looked into the dark hallway before nodding hesitantly "O-Okay" He grabbed onto Phils shoulder for support.

Phil shined his flashlight into the darkness "We can have a candlelight dinner" he winked jokingly at Dan who in turn gave him a small smile, "Mate, what's up?"

Dan shrugged biting his lip

"Dan please, will you just tell me. You're not being you, lately"

"Phil, I'm fine. I promise"

"Dan, I'm not stupid don't lie to me." He Looked at him with his best pleading eyes "Please just tell me, you're my best friend and I don't want you to be upset about anything, please Dan"

"Phillip, I swear I'm fine. Just a little tired lately" Dan lied, settling in a chair.

"Fine." Phil muttered sitting across from him "So I was thinking about vlogging about this, y'know since the powers out and all. And I need something to post this week, you up for it?"

Dan shrugged pulling the blanket around him tighter "yeah, I guess"

Phil looked at him, just wishing he'd tell him what was up before pulling out some candles and matches for actual light instead of just his phone flashlight. He got everything set up before giving Dan a small smile before starting to record, "Hey guys", He gave a smile at the camera, "So the powers out, and none of the candles seem to want to work so me and Dan are having a very badly light takeout dinner" he turned the camera over the rest of the table and Dan who gave a small smile and a wave, "I'm not sure when the power went out exactly, but I don't think any of the city has power right now, and it's kind of freaky, like a ghost could just pop up any moment" he paused for effect before laughing "I really hope that doesn't happen. So I went out to get dinner and apparently the power went out like momentarily after I got out of the shop-"

"I was reaching down to plug in my dying phone and laptop into charge and everything just went black" Dan complained from the opposite end of the table, "so it was just pitch black for like an hour and the apartments usually cold anyways, but the heat wasn't working and I had no light, and it was bad"

Phil laughed, a smile forming "and I just left him alone to die"

"Man, what an inconsiderate friend, he just left me alone to be murdered by the Grudge or something that would just kill me, and he probably wouldn't even care"

"Hey! I'm not that bad of a friend! I would have at least showed up for your funeral" he swept his tar-black hair out of his face

"Mhm. Okay. Whatever" Dan rolled his brown eyes for effect.

Phil looked over at Dan and was glad to see him genuinely laughing for once, "Okay so earlier this week, we decided we were gonna actually get out of the house and go outside for once" Dan groaned at the sound of Phil telling that story, but he continued anyways, "and we were going to kill one bird with two stones and exercise a bit. So we walked a little farther than we'd intended to, and it started to rain and we were both like "Well let's just grab some coffee then we can catch a taxi home" and so that's exactly what we did. About halfway through the coffee we decided to just go home with our half finished drinks and we could chill by the fireplace and drink them, and so we get up to leave and this man, who seemed very busy, trips and spills hot coffee all over Dan."

"The man didn't even seem sorry either, he just rolled his eyes and went back to get another one, and I'm just standing there like 'Mate, really' so I rode all the way home, in a taxi, with my clothes soaking with hot coffee, that eventually turned to cold coffee, and it was just a bad ending to the day"

Phil laughed "Is it only Dan who has this bad luck, or is it everybody?" He asked the camera, shivering "Okay so it's freezing in here and I don't want to go get a blanket, and I am pretty sure if I try to light the fireplace, I'm just going to burn the apartment down, and that's the last thing we need" He held an almost burnt out candle close to his face, "Well since I don't think you guys can see me, and I'm super hungry I'm going to stop filming, if you enjoyed this video please give it a thumbs up and if you haven't already, subscribe. Thank you all for watching, bye" He gave the camera a small wave and turned it off. He turned to Dan and looked him straight in the eyes "Daniel James Howell, what's been up with you? You're not just tired, there's something wrong and I'd really appreciate if you would just tell me"

"Phillip Michael Lester, I'm fine. You don't have to be so concerned for me, I do appreciate your concern, but I'm fine."

"Dan! You're my best friend, of course I have to be concerned for you, you would be for me, and you know it!" He said getting up from the table and putting his hand on Dan's shoulder "I know something's wrong, and I really just want to be here for you. You know you can talk to me whenever about anything, Dan. Please just tell me"

"That's the thing, Phil. I can't tell you everything. I just- I can't." He looked I'm the opposite direction of Phil's face staring intensely at his hands.

"Dan" Phil's voice got softer as crouched down to be eye-level with him "I'm here for anything, I won't judge you, I won't get mad at you, you can trust me. You know that."

Dans eyes got misty as he heard Phil speak, "I'm just scared to tell you," He said quickly standing from the table, "Okay? I'm just scared." He then hesitantly went down the hall to his bedroom where he locked the door and collapsed on his bed before Phil could stop him. He cried face first into his bedsheets not even caring if anybody could hear him. He didn't want to hide it anymore. He just didn't want to. But he had to...

He knew he had to.

"Dan" Phil called after him chasing him down the hallway "Please don't be afraid to tell me anything. Please, I'm here for you, mate. Anything you need I'll always be here. No matter how stupid or embarrassing it may be, I'll never judge you or anything" He reached for Dans arm just as the door closed. He heard the lock go into place. Phil stood there with his hand on the door, tears forming in his eyes as he heard his best friend just collapse onto the bed "Dan, please. Please don't do this to yourself. It's not good for you, you know that. Dan please just talk to me, just tell me what's going on" He paused trying to keep from crying, but couldn't stop the tears when he heard Dan's muffled cries. "Dan. Please. Please. You know you can trust me, Dan please just let me in" He rattled the doorknob "Please, Dan. I'm scared for you. I know you're scared, but I'm more than anything scared for you right now... Dan you need to talk to someone, please don't keep this all inside, please just tell me. Please" He whispered sliding down the door, "Dan just listen to me, please. Let me in, we can talk this out. This isn't healthy, please Dan. Just talk to me. Please, just open the door" He cried "Please, just open the door" He whispered turning to face it "Dan... Please"

 **AN- Thank you to everyone who reads this, i know it's short and it kind of sucks, but I'm trying. Yes, I know they're both VERY dramatic, but idk aren't most Fanfictions dramatic, and tbh I kinda like it. And who doesn't love the occasional stupid, over dramatic, cute, Phanfiction? Yes, some of its 'dumb', but I think it's kind of cute. Please tell me what you think and once again thank you for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

As Dan tried to calm himself down, he couldn't help but think of everything he could have done differently to have calmly convinced Phil he was okay. Now Phil knew for sure that something was up, and Dan was going to have to tell him. Maybe he could just make something up. No, no that wouldn't work, Phil wasn't stupid.. He knew Dan better than anybody did and if anyone were to know for sure something was up, it would be Phil. Dan tried to contain his tears, he tried to muffle the tears, but he was almost positive Phil would be able to hear him from his bedroom. He was also almost positive Phil was still just outside his bedroom door. He couldn't handle it, knowing that Phil was more than anything concerned for him. But this was just one thing Dan couldn't tell him. His best friend was trying to make him feel better, but there was nothing he would be able to do.

"Dan, please just come out."Phil said quietly. Dan could hear the desperation in his voice, it sounded almost as if he had been crying, but he saw no reason for him to cry. "Please. We can talk about whatever it is thats upsetting you and everything will be alright. Please, Daniel. I just want to know that my best friend is okay, Dan please" Phil's voice got quieter with each word he spoke, almost as if each word hurt more and more to speak, until at last he couldn't bear to speak anymore.

Dan stumbled out of his bed and to the door, where for a second he thought about opening it, he has one hand on the doorknob. In the end he just slid down the doorframe in tears. He could hear Phil's sobs from the other side, and Dan couldn't help but feel bad. Philip Michael Lester was his best friend, he didn't mean to cause him pain. He just couldn't bear to know that there was never going to be anything other than a friendship between the two. The two a.m. random movies, the awkward hugs, the days where they just sat in the main room in pajamas watching T.V. all day, that was all just stuff they did as friends. And between them, there would never be anything more other than friendship.

"Dan, please just let me in" Phil pleaded quietly from the other side. Dan could still hear him crying.

Dan finally found enough voice to actually speak, "Phil, I can't. I just- I can't." He said this quietly, but with just enough voice so that Phil could hear him. It broke Dan, he hadn't felt this alone and this bad,this alone, about something in a long time. Probably before he met Phil, once they became friends Dan always had someone to talk to. But not this time. He couldn't tell anyone about this.

Phillip couldn't take the just hearing Dans muffled sobs any longer. He decided he had to get him to talk. Eventually he got a quite response and relief flooded his body before he turned back to worrying, so Dan was alive, but he was still in obvious pain. Phil knew he needed to get into Dans room one way or another. First, he decided he would just try and talk Dan into letting him in.

"Daniel, please I just want to make sure you're okay," He whispered putting his hand to the door, "Because I don't think you are. I know I should believe you when you say you're okay, and I usually do, but I don't think I can believe you this time," He turned to completely face the door "I can hear you, ya know, at night when you think I've fallen asleep." Phil could hear Dan almost freeze at the moment he said that, "I can just hear you sobbing. Dan, it's not healthy, it's being going on for way too long for it to be healthy. You need to talk to someone, and I'm right here. I'll always be your shoulder to cry on, just as you would be me. I'm right here Dan. Just let me in. Please," The lights flickered then before turning on. Phil sat in the uncomfortable silence for a few minutes after that until getting an idea. He rushed to the kitchen and grabbed two mugs. Hot chocolate would surely be the answer. It always was. He made the drinks and rushed back to Dans bedroom door. He knocked on Dans door again and when he didn't get an answer he just sat in front of the door. Several minutes later he heard the door unlock. Cautiously he opened the door, "Dan," He whispered before spotting a bundle of blankets,. He then sat both mugs down and practically ran over to him. "Dan, oh Dan you're alright. Oh thank the Lord." He threw his arms around Dan. Phil could feel Dan stiffen at the touch and quickly drew back. He sat on the foot of Dan's bed trying to figure out what to say. He decided he was going to have to wing it. "Um Dan, mate, um what's exactly been going on with you?" He questioned quietly. Dan sat up a little and looked at Phil shrugging, "I've just had a lot of time to think about my life-decisions lately"

Phil nodded before getting up and hugging Dan again, he wasn't exactly sure why he was doing what he was, but it seemed like the right thing to do. After a few seconds Dan hesitantly hugged Phil back, "Thank you," Dan whispered, "For caring so much about me"

Phil smiled to himself, "It's no big deal, mate, that's what best friends are for"

"Then apperently I'm not a very good best friend."

Phil broke apart from their awkward hug, and sat by Dan looking him straight in the eye, "Daniel James Howell, don't ever say that again. You are literally the best best friend I could ever ask for. Your sarcasm and random jokes lost ally brighten even my darkest days. I honestly don't know what I'd be doing if it weren't for you. You are the most perfect best friend I've ever had. And don't you ever, not even for a second, think differently," He could see the tears dwelling up in Dans brown eyes as he said each word.

"That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me," Dan quickly looked away from Phil, "Thank you," He whispered.

"Now will you please just tell me what's wrong?" He asked him, putting a hand on his knee.

"Phil, I can't," Dan pulled the blanket tighter onto him as if it were his protection from something, but Phil couldn't figure out just what Dan couldn't tell him,"I'm sorry, Phil, but I can't"

Phil sighed in defeat, "Okay, okay. But please just if you ever need to talk, remember I'm just across the hall." He stood to leave and got to the doorway before he hesitated. Phil turned to look at Dan and smiled a little, he was almost out of the room when something grabbed at his arm. He turned to see Dan.

"I love you, Phillip!" Dan muttered as tears started to re-form in his eyes, "Not just in the 'you're my best friend, I love you way', but in the 'I'm utterly and hopelessly in love with you' way. I know you don't see my like that, but I couldn't keep it to myself any longer. I'm sorry, but I love you" After he said it, it seemed to take Dan a little while before he fully comprehended what he had just told Phil. As soon as he realized what he told him, he stepped into his room and slammed the door, locking it.

Phil stood there still facing Dan's now locked door. "So that's why he's been all weird" he thought to himself. He swallowed as he thought of the tremendous pain his friend must have been in, but there was nothing he could do to help it, no he couldn't think like that, he needed to be there for Dan. Phil needed to show Dan that he was still there for him, and he always would be. Phil knew a lot about Dan. He knew a lot that no other person knew, and this was now one of those things. Phil loved Dan, deep inside he really did, he just hadn't figured it out just yet. He knew what Dan was feeling, and he knew he needed to help. Dan had seemed more scared than anything, scared to be judged, scared to be hated, scared to be laughed at. But Phil would never do any of those things to Dan, he wouldn't laugh or hate or judge Dan. No, he definitely would not. Phil needed to talk to Dan again. knew that more than he had ever knew anything in his entire life.

Phil stared at Dan's door for a long time trying to decide what to do. In the end, Phil decided it would be best to just leave the matter be for that night. He went to his bedroom and crawled into his bed. He thought about what had just happened. Phil didn't know why, but he felt a sense of relief in a way, it was a joyful feeling, but he didn't know why exactly, not yet at least. Phil Lester fell asleep happy and a tad bit confused that night.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan stayed locked up in his room for a majority of the next couple of days, only coming out for occasional food. He scarcely spoke or even looked at his black haired roommate, though he was the only thing Dan could think about. Phil often tried to speak to him, but Dan refused to reply over and over again, but that didn't ever seem to stop Phil from trying. Dan knew Phil was way too stubborn to give up without a fight, but he didn't know just how stubborn he was. It had been almost three days since Dan had confessed his undying love for Phil, and yet Phil wouldn't stop trying to get him to speak about it. Dan had to admit though, he felt guilty, he really did, but there was no damn way he was going to talk to Phil about his biggest confession ever. At least he thought he wasn't until one Saturday afternoon when Dan finally gave into his hunger and went to retrieve food from the kitchen. He thought Phil was in his bedroom, but he couldn't have been more wrong. Dan quietly crept out of his bedroom and was almost halfway to the kitchen when Phil appeared out of what seemed like thin air and grabbed onto his arm. Despite what Dan had thought, Phil had a seriously tight grip that Dan couldn't escape.

"We **need** to talk, Dan" Phil said in a serious, but light tone a pleading look in his bright blue eyes. In one way he almost looked as if he'd been crying, Dan decided, but in another he just looked tired.

Dan tried to break from Phil's grip, but he couldn't, he continued to struggle as he spoke, "No, Phil, we don't **need** to talk, we more than anything don't **need** to talk, you just **think** we do." He spat in an abnormally harsh tone, "Okay, I shouldn't have told you anything, and as far as I'm concerned, I didn't. So just let me go" He tried to walk away again, but Phil just tightened his grip even more.

Phil felt as if he'd been stabbed in his heart by the way was Dan talking to him. 'Fine. If you want to be that way then so be it. Two can play at this game' he thought to himself before opening his mouth again, "No, Dan", he mocked Dan's bitter and cold tone, "We do need to talk, okay? I know that maybe you don't **want** to talk, but we sure as hell need to! So just sit down right now and lets talk this out." He sat in the middle of the hallway that they were in, pulling Dan down with him, "Now talk"

Daniel swallowed out of anger and surprise when Phillip got snappy with him, he did deserve it, but it just wasn't like Phil to be mean to anyone, even when they deserved it. Tears stung his eyes as he refused to let them fall down his face as he listened to the words his best friend spoke. Dan knew Phil was right, they needed to talk, but he really, really didn't want to. He only sat when he was told to, because Phil dragged him down. Dan bit the inside of his lip refusing to talk.

"Daniel", Phil said calmly, "please just talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking, tell me about what you've been doing held up in your room for the past three days, please just tell me."

"Phillip", Dan uttered, 'Oh gosh', he thought, 'I'm about to spill my soul to the last person I want to', but he took a deep breath and started talking, "You, Phil, okay?" He failed at not crying right then.

Phil looked at him slightly confused, "Me? What?"

"Goddammit, Phil. You're the only thing I can think about. All the time, you're the only thing that's ever on my mind." His words were muffled by his tears, but Phil still seemed to understand every word Dan was saying, "How your sea-blue eyes light up when you laugh, or the mess of a black fringe falling into your eyes" He reached out and ran his hand through Phil's fringe, before quickly drawing his hand back, "Just you, Phillip, everything about you. The terrible jokes and the awkward sentences and just you." He wiped at the salty tears running down his pale face, looking down in embarrassment. Dan had never planned to fall for Phil, but it had happened. He just wished Phil would feel the same way about him.

 **Phillip**

Phil took a moment to comprehend what he had just heard Dan say. Could Daniel James Howell really feel that way about him? Could anybody really feel that way about him? He knew that some of his subscribers had one of those 'celebrity crush' type thing on him, but could anyone actually be so hopelessly in love with him that he was the only thing that they could ever think of? Dan seemed to be 100% totally sincere, but he didn't know how he felt about Dan. He didn't want to crush the boy more than he already had, but it seemed like he was going to have to.

"Oh" was all he said when he did finally speak again. He looked at Dan who couldn't seem to even look at him, with from the tears and the embarrassment. Phil didn't like seeing Dan just in such a state of pain, but he didn't know what to do. Dan seemed to just stare blankly at there carpeted floor in the hallway, tears streaming down his face, Phil decided he couldn't bare looking at Dan like that. Phil lifted Dan's head up and gave him a small sympathetic smile. Dan just stared blankly at a wall behind Phil, "Dan please look at me" When Dan refused to even give Phil a remote glance, Phil sighed in defeat, "I'm sorry, Dan. I really, really am. I know how hard this must be for you... I'm sorry this is what its came to. But I'm still you're best friend, and I always will be. I'm here for you.. Please just talk to me again. You need to talk to someone, and I'm right here."

Dan struggled to his feet before turning and walking down the hallway back to his bedroom. He didn't need this, he didn't need Phil's sympathy. "Maybe one day I will talk to you about things, but today isn't that day" He simply said before shutting his door.

"Dan! No!" Phil ran after the boy, but it was too late. The door was once again slammed in his face without much of a reason. He screamed into a pillow out of frustration, he just wanted Dan to be happy, and talking things out would help with that.

'No', Phil thought, 'That won't make him happy.. I will. I'm probably the only thing that will ever make him happy ever again. Fuck, Lester, what the fuck am I suppose to do. I can't force myself to love somebody, he knows that'

 **Daniel**

Dan sat on the edge of his bed staring out of the window. He decided he **was** going to talk to somebody, it just wasn't going to be Phil. He was going to talk to people who understood and never judged him. He was going to talk to the Phandom. A random live-stream would do something, hopefully. Dan pulled his phone out and started the video.

"Hello internet." He started off quietly. He knew he looked like complete and utter death, but he didn't have time to give a fuck. "So have any of you ever just had a secret so big that your afraid to tell anyone, because your afraid of being judged?" He ran a hand through his dark brown fringe "Yeah.. lately thats been happening to me more and more often, and I really don't know what to do. I know I should probably talk to someone, but I have way too much damn pride to do so... Ugh I just." He stopped his sentence short not knowing what else to say. Dan could feel the tears in his eyes and stopped caring right then. He let all the tears run down his face as he tried to think of what to say, "You guys deserve better, so much better, and I'm sorry that I'm just such a fucking mess. I love everyone of my subscribers, and I honestly don't know where I'd be without you guys, but I feel so bad for everyone who's watching this. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea, but it's too late to turn back now. Just never hold things in, tell someone... That's the moral of this video. I guess. Thank you to all of you watching this.." Dan then stopped the video and threw his phone on his bed before rolling onto it. His phone continually went off with notifications on his newest video. Dan picked his phone back up as he read through the comments/

"Daniel, we all love you no matter your flaws" One comment read

"DAN! DON'T THINK LIKE THAT, YOU'RE ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE EVER! WE ALL LOVE YOU" Another said

"Dan... What's going on? Stop worrying us. Please just tell us what's going on" The comments were all like that. He didn't deserve this many people who cared about him.

Dan read through the comments until one particular one caught his eye.

"Dan, please just come out of your room. Please we can talk this out." Amazingphil wrote.

People went crazy after that...

Two days later, Dan cautiously came out of his room. He sat on the sofa not even caring about Phil finding him.

"OH THANK GOD, DANIEL. YOU'VE HAD MY WORRIED." Phil ran out of nowhere and attacked Dan with a hug "NEVER DO THAT AGAIN"

Dan hugged Phil back "I'm sorry, Phil. I just don't know what to do. I'm just scared"

Phil broke the hug apart and sat next to Dan "I know, and I'm sorry too"

Dan nodded looking at his hands.

Phil hugged Dan again trying to fix the part of them that had broken, "I know I've been annoying, but I want you to know you're always going to be my best friend"

Dan tried to contain the tears, but miserably failed "I-I know"

Phil hugged him for the next five minutes in awkward silence. When he finally broke apart from Dan he knew what he needed to say, "Maybe, just maybe one day" He whispered sending Dan into another fit of tears.

"I love you, Phillip Michael Lester. And I always will" Dan whispered back. It wasn't his smartest move, but it was the truth.

Phil swallowed "Yeah..." He stared at the ground not having a response to that.

 **Philip**

After another ten minutes of silence, Phil got up from the couch and went to his bedroom shutting the door. He sat at his desk and thought for a while. Thought about everything. About Dan, about their channel, about his life. What could he do to make Dan feel better other than love him, nothing probably. It was driving him insane. He couldn't stand not being able to make somebody happy. He was Phil Lester, making people happy was his specialty, and it really sucked when he couldn't do it. When not everyone he wanted to be could be happy. "Please, Dan. Please just try and be happy again.. For me. You say you love me, well if you love me, please be happy." Phil whispered to himself as he drummed his fingers on his laptop, "Please" He didn't know why, but Dan not being happy was making Phil unhappy. Phil didn't know it just yet, but he was just as hopelessly in love with Dan as Dan was with him...


	4. Chapter 4

Dan didn't sleep for the next week. He didn't even try to sleep, he knew it was no use. He knew that he wouldn't be able to drift off to sleep. Dan ate little, just enough to get by for that day. He mostly just sat in his room, staring at a his bedroom walls blankly. He knew this wasn't healthy, but he didn't really care about his health. That wasn't a good idea on his part.

One cold Thursday morning as he went to get food for the slow day ahead, he collapsed on the living room floor. Black was all Dan could remember until a little over three hours later when he woke up in a hospital bed

"What the hell?" Dan muttered, as he sat up right.

Why was he there?

What had happened?

Dan thought he was alone, until he spotted a blue lump in one of the chairs, "P-Phil?" He said as loudly as possible. A blanket came off the lump, and sure enough it was Phil.

"Dan, you're alright. Thank the Lord!" ,Phil jumped out of the chair and ran to the bed, "You've had me worried sick. Oh my gosh, Dan." He sat on the floor by the bed, and out his head in his hands.

"I'm fine, mate, but what happened to me? Why the hell am I here?" Dan reached out for Phil, patting his friends head to reassure him that he was okay.

"I-I honestly don't know the full story, I'm lucky that they let me back here. The doctor said something about food and stress and sleep and I don't know, Dan, but you're alright. That's all that matters to me." Phil stood up from the tile floor and hugged Dan, who tensed before hugging him back.

"Yeah, I'm fine. There was honestly no need to bring me here."

"You passed out in the living room, Dan. I had to, I was worried. So when's the last time you slept exactly?" Phil questioned quietly.

Dan tried to look as though he was thinking back, but he knew exactly how long it had been. "Six days, nine hours, and about fifteen minutes." Dan replied, looking at the ground.

"S-six days?!" Phil replied, obviously surprised "Dan, thats not even remotely healthy! What made you think that was a good idea?! Si-" He stopped suddenly, remembering six days before that, "Oh. Six days ago.. Um when was the last time you actually ate a meal?" Phil asked, bracing himself for the answer, hoping his reply wasn't six days.

"Six days, eleven hours, and around eighteen minutes." Dan continued to stare at the beige tile that lined the floors.

"Dan!" Phil muttered "Really? Just really?"

"Hell yes really!" Dan spat in return.

"Dan..." Phil whispered, "Please don't do this to yourself, its not in the slightest healthy.. Please for me." He put a hand on Dan's shoulder and smiled slightly.

"Why should I do anything for you? This isn't effecting you, you don't need to worry about this. It's my problem, okay?" Dan swatted Phil's hand off of his shoulder.

"No. Not okay! It is effecting me, okay? I feel bad enough about this, and now this is just pushing me over the edge! Please, just for me?"

Dan sighed, he did love Phil. But he also needed to feel the pain, "I-I'll try, Phil. For you."

Phil hugged Dan, "Thank you, Dan, thank you."

Dan flinched, as it hurt some when Phil hugged him, "Yeah, yeah. Don't mention it."

Phil sat by him on the tiny bed, smiling, "Did the doctors tell you when you can come home?", He questioned, "'Cause the tv and couch are being very missed right now."

Dan laughed as he rested his head on Phil's shoulder, it wasn't his ideal spot for his head, but it was one of the only open spots bed, "I don't know, but you can go home if you'd like. No need to worry about me."

Phil looked down at his best friend and smiled. He didn't know why, but he felt something different when he was laying with Dan. A good different, "Dan. I'm not going to leave you. I couldn't do that."

"Phil, just go back to the apartment for a couple of hours. Eat dinner, take a shower, do something... And then, if you must, come back tonight."

Phil fought over what to do in his head, "You sure you'll be alright without me?"

Dan laughed, "I guess I'll manage to get through it somehow."

Phil hugged him once more before standing up, "I'll be back later. Please don't die. Your phone's on the table" He motioned to it "I'll text you."

Dan grinned as Phil walked out. He was going to be gone for maybe three hours, yet he was still going to constantly check up on him.

That's why Dan loved him, he cared more about other people than himself.

Dan was in deep thought when a doctor came in, "Brother?" The doctor asked him.

Dan must have looked confused, because the doctor continued to explain, "That boy, is he your brother?"

"Who, Phil?" Well since he was the only person who had been in the room it was pretty obvious she was talking about Phil, "No."

The doctor nodded, "Partner?"

He blushed as he shook his head, "No, he's just my best friend" Dan mentally added 'sadly' to the end of the sentence.

The doctor nodded again, "He was worried sick, refused to leave until you woke up.. I'm Doctor Rosaline, by the way. I've been taking care of you, if you need anything don't hesitate to ask."

"Okay, thanks." Dan replied, picking his phone up from the table beside his bed.

Phil: **Caught a cab, heading home now. I'll be back soon.**

Dan could't help but chuckle. Phil had been gone for a total of maybe ten minutes, and yet he had still texted Dan to assure him he'd be back.

Dan: **Christ, mate, nothing's happened in the past few minutes, but be safe and hurry back. Thank you for staying with me for so long...**

As he waited for a reply, he checked his Twitter. There were a ridiculous amount of tweets addressed to him, even more than usual. Why the hell were people tweeting him so much?

"Don't die, Dan 3" Somebody had tweeted.

And apparently #Prayersfordaniel was a trending hashtag.

What the hell? Why were people saying those things? Well it didn't take him long to figure it out.

AmazingPhil had posted;

" Danisnotonfire, please don't die on me yet. In still need you." With a picture of Dan in the hospital when he was still asleep.

Dan's heart fluttered when he read that. Did Phil really "Still need him?" Or was it just something for the media? He liked to believe that Phil was being sincere, and he probably was, but Dan couldn't help and doubt it. He went through his Twitter feed for a couple of more minutes until he got a reply from Phil.

Phil: **I know, I know, but I just want to make sure. It's no big deal, you would do the same for me. I'll bring you your blankets and headphones from home, if you'd like.**

Dan grinned like an idiot as he read Phil's latest text. He knew Phil was just being polite, but he cared enough about Dan to know exactly what he would want from their apartment.

Dan: **That would be great, thanks again, Phil.**

When Dan looked up from his phone, Doctor Rosaline, or whatever, was coming back into the room.

"You really like him, don't you?" She asked as she searched through a pile of papers.

Dan blushed as he sat his phone back down, "You barely know me but you seem to know everything about me. Is it that obvious?"

Rosaline grinned as she shook her head at him "No, it's not that obvious, but I know love when I see it.. Does he know?"

Dan nodded slowly, "Yeah. He does.."

"And you two live together?" She asked, tapping her pen against a clipboard.

Dan nodded again, staring at his phone.

"And that's what caused all of this, correct?"

Dan sighed "Yeah, I just can't stand seeing him so often it just got bad."

The doctor smiled as she put a hand on Dan's shoulder "It will work out, in the end. I promise." And with that, she walked out of the room, leaving Dan speechless.

How did this woman, whom he had just met know so much about him and Phil? It was amazing, truly amazing.

Dan picked up his phone and held it for a while trying to decide to what to do. While thinking, Phil texted him.

Phil: **Okay, I've taken a shower. Gonna grab some things then I'll be on my way.**

It had been maybe an hour and a half since Phil had left, yet he still felt he had to get back.

Dan: **There's no rush, I'm still here, I'm still alive.**

With that he sat his phone on his stomach and awaited a reply.

Somewhere in the waiting he must have fell asleep, because he woke up to Phil walking into his room.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan grinned slightly as Phil entered the room, "Hey.." He said quietly, yawning slightly.

"Oh gosh, did I wake you?", Phil worried as he set the blankets in a chair, "I'm sorry.."

"No, no don't apologize." Dan muttered, resting his head back on a pillow, "It's fine."

Phil nodded as he sat in the chair next to the pile of stuff he had brought back from their apartment, "You still okay?" He asked Dan, looking over at him, looking rather concerned

Dan smiled trying to convince Phil, "Of course I am." He said mentally adding 'I would be better if you would stop being a prat and love me already.'

Phil stood and walked over to Dan, once again sitting by him in the bed, "Anything interesting happen while I was gone?" He asked with a slight grin spreading across his face.

Dan shook his head, "Nope, not really. Sleep mostly."

Phil sighed as he pulled out his phone, looking over all the Twitter notifications he had gotten, "Um, maybe you should tell the world you're alright before they kill someone." He suggested awkwardly shoving his phone back in his pocket.

Dan nodded as he grabbed his phone from the table, opening his Twitter. He opened the camera and pulled Phil down to his level for a picture. Once he had gotten one that wasn't completely terrible, he posted it with a caption **"I'm not dead, guys. Probably thanks to Phil."**

Phil chuckled as he watched Dan post the picture, mentally reminding himself to save that picture later, "That's reassuring."

Dan shrugged as he sat his phone back down, "Well now they know that I'm not dead yet."

Phil smirked as he ran a hand through Dan's curling fringe, fixing it "You look cute when you don't have access to straighteners."

Dan blushed as he put a hand over his fringe "I hate it. Thanks for reminding me."

Phil slapped Dan's hand away from his face, taking it in his own "Stop. You look fine." He said as he rubbed his other hand against Dan's cold flesh.

Dan groaned "You don't have to lie to me, Phil. I do have eyes..." He said trying not to blush deeper at his hand intertwined with Phil's.

"Daniel." Phil said, his tone getting serious, "Don't worry, you look perfect. You always do. Now stop."

Dan shook his head, turning his gaze to the floor, deciding staying quiet was the best way to go.

Phil ran his hand through Dan's fringe again, not knowing what to say, "So...um... what now?" He murmured awkwardly

Dan shrugged "I don't really know." He admitted, "I've been sleeping mostly."

Phil nodded, six days without sleep was probably getting to Dan now, "Well, I got you you're blanket, and I grabbed a couple of sweatshirts, they're all mine but I mean it's better than nothing I guess.."

Dan smiled, "Thanks, um, w-would you mind getting me my blanket? I don't think I can get up yet."

Phil dropped Dan's hand as he stood, "Yeah, of course." He said with a grin as he threw Dan a fleece blanket he had gotten him in Florida some time ago, "I just grabbed one, I'm sorry."

Dan threw the blanket on cuddling into it, inhaling the familiar smell of Phil and the apartment, "No, don't be sorry I love this one."

Phil beamed slightly as he sat next to Dan again, "Good, I'm glad."

The boys talked for another hour before a nurse, a young male, walked in, smiling slightly at both of them, "I'm Jason." He told them, "And I have been asked to kick you out." He told Phil, "But I don't want to kick AmazingPhil out of a hospital room as I don't want my sister to kill me."

Phil laughed quietly as he stood, "No worries, I can leave."

Jason bit his lip, "Um, can I get a picture with y'all and maybe have you sign something?" He asked, "Because in all seriousness if my sister found out I met AmazingPhil and Danisnotonfire and didn't do anything like that, she would kill me."

Dan chuckled, "Of course we can." He said, pulling Phil back down onto the bed with him.

Jason sighed in relief, "I'm going to be her favorite brother now. Finally."

After everything got settled, Phil did have to leave. Dan watched him go with a sigh, he didn't want to be left alone for the night. Or at all.

"So good news." Jason said, shuffling through papers, "You're probably going to be released tomorrow. If everything goes well."

Dan nodded, "That's good, I guess." He muttered, taking his phone back off of the table

Jason looked over at him, "You look down, Howell." He stated like they had known each other for ever, "What's got you down?" He questioned, taking the rolling chair away from the counter and placing it by Dan's bed.

Dan shrugged, "Nothing, I'm fine. Just thinking, I guess."

Jason sighed, "Can I go out on a limb here and say that it has something to do with Phil?"

Dan nodded slowly, "A little.."

Jason smiled, ripping a piece of paper from a notebook he had been carrying. After writing something down, he handed it to Dan, "My shifts almost over, but text me sometime." He said, standing, rolling the chair back to the desk, and then leaving.

Dan fumbled with the piece of paper as he read what was wrote on it. He smiled, maybe he could help to get Phil off of his mind. Maybe.

THE NEXT DAY

Phil hadn't slept much the night before. He had mostly just tossed and turned, not being able to stop worrying about Dan. Actually, eventually he had retreated to sleep in Dan's bedroom. Dan's familiar smell had made Phil calm down some, and he finally got a little sleep. Something about Dan these days was making Phil feel more...comfortable. He didn't know why, but just seeing Dan could make Phil calm down.

When he woke the next morning, Phil considered texting Dan, but didn't want to seem too clingy. Not that Dan would mind.. Probably. Phil didn't want Dan to be annoyed with him, so he just waited by his phone until Dan finally texted him

 **Dan :)- Hey, just got released, grabbed everything. In a taxi now, be home soon :)**

Phil grinned as he replied,

 _Okay, see you soon. Glad everything is okay 3_

Phil practically waited by the door, tackling Dan in a hug when he walked through the door.

"I'm so glad you're alright." Phil breathed into Dan's shoulder.

Dan ran his hand through Phil's hair, smiling as he seemed to become less tense, "I'm alright, Phil, I'm alright." He assured the older boy, "And I met someone."

Phil's smile momentarily faltered, but he immediately put his signature Phil Lester smile back on as he looked at Dan, dragging him into the lounge, "Let me make popcorn and then tell me everything."

Dan shook his head as he sat on their couch, watching his best friend run off to food. Sometimes he reminded him so much of a teenage girl. When Phil returned with a bowl of popcorn, Dan started talking, "Y'know the doctor that came in when you were leaving?" He asked as he took a handful of popcorn

Phil nodded "Oooo, he was cute."

Dan blushed, "Well I got his number, and know we totally have a date on next Wednesday."

Phil stuffed popcorn in his mouth, trying to hide the disappointment that his face was cleary showing, "That's great." He said once the popcorn was out of his mouth, "Um, I'm going to go out and run some errands out in town, you're welcome to come if you want.." Phil trailed off, secretly hoping Dan would have something else to do. He hadn't planned to go to town that day, but he didn't expect Dan to get a date with some super cute doctor, and he especially didn't expect to get jealous about it.

Dan shook his head, "No thanks, I've got to catch up on video making."

Phil mentally sighed in relief, "Oh, okay." Phil said as he stood to go get ready, "Have fun talking to your doctor." He muttered, trying not to let too much jealously trickle into his voice.

Once Phil was dressed, he headed out to the rainy streets of London, not actually sure of what he was going to do. Walking around town, Phil couldn't help but notice all of the happy couples. He tried not to let his jealously grow, but he couldn't help it. He sighed as he walked into a little coffee shop, ordering just a regular coffee, he sat in a table meant for two, but not having anybody to share it with. As he sat drinking the warm drink, he couldn't help but think of Dan and that Jason, or whatever his name was. He was a tall, blonde, smart, perfect doctor. And Phil, well he was just Phil. He wasn't confident about his looks or talent or how smart he was. True, he had more than a million fans, who were mostly teenage girls, fawning over his every move, but that didn't mean anything to him. He wanted something real, somebody who actually thought the world of him. Somebody who actually thought he was perfect. He had had somebody exactly like that, but hadn't realized what he wanted at the time.

Phil's thoughts were interrupted by a girl who looked to be in her early twenties,"You're Phil." The girl said, almost in disbelief, "Like AmazingPhil Phil."

Phil put a smile on as he looked up at her "Indeed I am."

The girl beamed "Oh my gosh. I love you and Dan so much."

The boy that had been standing behind her made some noise "Thats an understatement."

Phil grinned a little, his thoughts about Dan momentarily forgotten, "That's great. We always love seeing fans."

The girl bit her lip as she awkwardly held her phone, "Could I like get a picture?" She asked.

Phil nodded as he stood, "Of course."

Once the picture was taken and Phil talked to the girl for a few more minutes, she hugged him and turned to leave, but was blocked as the boy she had been with was now down on one knee in front of her.

"Taylor Eliza." He started, but Phil quickly left before he got any farther.

He didn't need this. He didn't need all the couples in the entire country to be out and happy today. He'd just go back to the apartment and play video games while eating Chinese food on the couch. And he'd do it with Dan. Yeah, Dan would make this better. He always made things better.

Or well.. he always _**did**_

When Phil arrived back in the apartment, he was greeted to the sound of giggling coming from the general directions of his and Dan's bedrooms.

"D-Dan?" Phil called out as he walked into the lounge.

Dan walked out of his bedroom, his fringe a mess, shirtless, a rose pink color spread across his cheeks, "Yeah?"

Phil looked Dan over and raised an eyebrow, "What's, uhh, what's going on?"

Dan grinned lopsidedly as he ran a hand through his fringe, "He got off of work early and said he couldn't wait to see me, so..." Dan trailed off looking over at his bedroom.

Phil nodded, trying not to let the envy in his eyes show, "Oh. Right. Okay.. Have fun. I guess." He muttered with a shake of his head.

Dan laughed as he started back to his bedroom, "Hey, Phil." He said, turning back to face him

Phil looked up at him wringing his hands, in the way he always did when he was nervous

"Thank you." Dan mouthed before going back to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Little did the boys know that that moment would be one of their last happy ones for a long time.

It had been roughly two months since Dan had started to see Jason, and Phil was ready to just move out and let Jason take his room. Not that he'd ever use it. Everyday was the same, Phil would wake up, go to the kitchen, be greeted by Jason and Dan making out in the kitchen because either Jason had to leave to go to work, or he was just getting back, then Dan would retreat to his room, with or without Jason, and Phil wouldn't see him until dinner. Then at dinner, Dan would just smile at Jason, ignoring Phil completely. And it was hell for Phil.

Phil woke up on day, and decided to take a chance. Dan's bedroom door was open, so he stood in the doorframe "Hey, Dan." Phil started one Tuesday as Dan was getting ready for the day.

"Hm?" Dan asked as he ran a straightener through his hair, only half listening.

"I was gonna do a liveshow later, and I thought since we haven't posted on the gaming channel a lot lately, and you haven't posted like at all, if you wanted to do it with me?"

Dan shook his head, unplugging his straightener, "Sorry, can't." He said simply as he went to his closet, and grabbed a jacket.

Phil sighed a little "Okay, have fun with Jason." He muttered as he retreated back to his room, laying face down on his bed, trying not to sob into his sheets. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't just let Dan get away from him that easily.

One thing he had finally realized in the past two months was that he had fallen for Dan. And he had fallen hard. But there was a problem, and his name was Jason. Ugh how Phil couldn't stand him.

When it was roughly 7, Phil texted Dan, whom was still out.

Phil- **Hey, I'm gonna do the liveshow in the lounge, so if you come back here, could you be quiet?**

Dan **-** _K_

Phil sighed in frustration. Now all he could get out of Dan was a 'k'

As he set his laptop up, Phil couldn't help but feel lonely without Dan. He always was there whenever he shot a video, or a liveshow, and even if he wasn't, he knew that he was still supporting him from wherever he was. But not anymore. Nope. Dan was no longer the nineteen year old boy who was endlessly harassing him on Twitter. Dan didn't need I'm anymore. But damn how much Phil needed Dan.

"Hey guys." Phil started his liveshow, instantly being bombarded with questions and statements.

"How's Dan?" Phil read out loud. Dan had made his relationship very public, and not all of the Phandom was happy for him, actually most of it wasn't. They could see how much it was killing Phil. He wasn't as cheerful as he had been previously and it was destroying his fans, "D-Dan's good." Phil replied simply, trying to make sure his voice didn't crack on his name, or that he didn't tear up or anything.

 **'We're sorry'**

 **'It's alright.'**

 **'We still love you.'**

The entire audience had gone crazy trying to comfort him. It's like they could see right through him.

Phil put on a smile as he shook his head, "Guys, I'm fine." He tried to tell his fans.

That was when the door opened. Phil sighed, hoping today would be a quiet day, but there were never a lot of those. Some days were just quiet making out days, but that day defiantly wasn't one. There was giggling and giggling and everybody who was watching Phil's liveshow could hear it.

 **'Phil, why is there laughing?'**

 **'Are you neighbors fucking or something?'**

And that's what pushed Phil over the edge. When his followers could hear and get exactly what was going on, he wasn't very happy.

"Godddamit." He yelled, standing, forgetting about the liveshow he was doing, "I've asked for one fucking thing this entire two damn months and you can't fucking do it!" He stood in Dan's doorframe

Dan looked up from Jason, whom he was on top of, "I thought you were doing a liveshow."

"I was! But then you decided to come fuck in the room next to the lounge, where I told you I would be, and you had to do it so loudly that my entire damn audience could hear you!" Phil yelled, realizing that he hadn't ended the liveshow.

"Well if I bother you that much, maybe I should just leave!" Dan screamed back, standing up, buttoning his shirt.

"Maybe you should." Phil agreed in the same annoyed tone, determined not to cry as Dan grabbed Jason and left the apartment. Their apartment. Well, no longer their apartment. Phil's apartment.

Phil looked around and quickly left, going back to the lounge, where his audience was going crazy. Not bothering to look at the comments, Phil sniffed, "I'm sorry about that guys.. I just- I love him." Phil whispered, his voice cracking as he broke into tears. Forgetting about the audience, he let out what he'd been holding back for two months. "I'm sorry guys, I just- bye." He whispered, ending the video.

That was the first day of misery. Many followed. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months into a year. Nobody could help Phil, despite how hard they tried. His subscribers were more supportive than ever, most of them now mad at Dan, his family tried to help, his friends came by more often, but the one person he wanted to see, wanted to talk to, never came by, never acknowledged his existence. Phil needed the nineteen year old fanboy who would've done anything for him back, but that nineteen year old fanboy was history. Never to return. Never to care again.

AmazingPhil had helped many people through the years, but none of them compared to when he helped Danisnotonfire. His best friend. But.. his best friend was gone. Despite what he wanted.

People told him it would get better, but the pain, the misery, the crying never seemed to stop for Phil. And it was all that stupid fanboys fault, but he couldn't help falling in love with him...

He needed to get Dan back. He wasn't sure how yet, but it was going to happen.

Sometime.

Somehow..

Somewhere...


	6. Chapter 6

Despite what everyone thought, mostly because he told them, Dan didn't have an amazing first year without Phil. True, he was happy. But there was one problem. And, his name was Phil.

Despite what he told the internet, and his family, and Jason, he missed Phil more than anything. He knew that he should've apologized. He knew that Phil had had every right to go off on him. He knew that he shouldn't have left. And above all, he knew he regretted all of it.

Dan, like Phil, had continued his YouTube career, but unlike Phil, his fans weren't all too happy with him. The gaming channel was officially over and there hadn't been a Philisnotonfire video. And with that, it seemed like Dan and Phil were now officially Dan or Phil. Yeah, Jason made Dan happy, but he couldn't help but feel like his life could've been better had he stayed just with Phil. On top of all of that, he had found out Phil had been in love with him.

Dan continued to watch Phil's videos, but he never mentioned Dan except for his one liveshow. And none of his fans asked.

He tried not to show how much he missed the black haired dork he had admired for so many years, especially to Jason, but sometimes at night, he'd let it all out and just sob silently.

One night, when Phil had just uploaded a new video and Dan was feeling particularly like shit, did his life seem to change.

"Hey, my parents are taking Lex to the new Italian place downtown and wanted to know if we wanted to go." Jason told Dan as he got back from his night shift one night.

"Oh, I don't care." Dan responded, trying to hid his red, from crying, face, "I'm always game for your sister telling me how amazing I am."

Jason smiled as he wrapped his arms around Dan's waist, kissing his neck "So.. Want me to tell you every reason you're so amazing?" He whispered, kissing his neck up and down.

Dan bit his lip as he tensed a little, "No, I'm sorry." He whispered, "Just not right now."

Jason turned Dan so he was facing him, "Something wrong?" He asked gently.

Dan shook his head, "No, no I'm fine." He told him as he smiled a little, "I'm just going to shower." He said quietly as he retreated to the bathroom, where he turned the shower on, but for a long time, he just sat and cried. Phil wouldn't have let him go that easily, he would've made sure Dan was okay. Especially when it was obvious he wasn't. He did eventually get into the shower, letting the water run over him.

When he was out of tears and willing to face the world, he stepped out of the shower, throwing clothes on. Seeing Jason had decided to sleep for a little while, Dan just sat. Sat thinking. About life, about Phil, about his fans, about their apartment, about how much he loved waking up to the smell of something burning most days.

When Jason woke up, Dan decided to straighten his hair, so he didn't look like a hobbit for dinner.

"What should I wear?" Jason complained from the closet, while Dan sat on the floor.

"Just wear your black suit." Dan responded as he put the heating tool away.

"But with what?" He huffed, sitting on the bed.

Dan shook his head as he stood and went to the closet. He threw a light blue shirt at the blonde on the bed, "There." He said simply as he himself grabbed a white button up and a suit jacket.

"Oh, you're so smart." Jason whispered, kissing Dan's neck again

"I just finished my hair." Dan warned as he moved so he was out of reach.

Jason groaned, "Fine."

"Don't be so glum." Dan said as he started to undress.

"Well you should stop teasing me."

"I'm undressing, this isn't teasing." Dan argued

Jason rolled his eyes, "Fine, fine. Later?"

Dan sighed to himself as he started to button the shirt "Maybe."

Jason nodded, "I'll take that. Now hurry."

Dan rolled his eyes as he did as told, "There. Happy?"

Jason kissed him "Very, now lets go."

Once at the restaurant, which seemed to be filled with older rich couples, they sat at the table Jason's parents had reserved for them as they waited for his family.

"Where are they?" Jason muttered, frustrated

"Honey, calm down." Dan told him, taking his hand in his own.

Eventually, Jason's family showed up, and after greeting and apologizes, everybody was settled in.

"So, did you see Phil posted a new video?" Jason's fourteen year old sister, Lexi, asked Dan.

"Lex, n-" Jason started, but Dan cut him off.

"No, it's fine." Dan assured him, "Yeah, I did."

"And, Chris posted a new Fantastic Foursome video."

"But, that's impossible." Dan said with a slight laugh, "There's only three of them. I made the foursome part."

"Not anymore." She said as she glanced at the menu, "They recruited Joe Sugg."

"Like Zoe's brother?" Dan said, slightly offended, "Like ThatcherJoe?"

"Dan, calm down, it doesn't matter." Jason said, trying to calm Dan down.

Dan sighed, but nodded, "Yeah, I-I know. Sorry." He muttered

Jason smiled as he bit his lip, "Dan, there's something I've been wanting to ask you."

Dan looked at him, "Um. Okay. Have at it."

And then something happened. Something that at that moment seemed like it would change his life forever.

Jason pulled out a ring box and took Dan's hand, "Daniel James Howell." He started as he got down on one knee.

The rest of the speech was a blur for Dan, but he knew when he had to make the ultimate decision.

"Dan, will you marry me?" He heard Jason ask. He knew everybody in the restaurant was watching, waiting for his answer.

"Yes, o-of course." Dan answered as the room burst into applause. Then there was a ring on his finger and Jason kissed him.

"I love you." Jason whispered as he sat back down.

"I love you too." Dan muttered, but he couldn't help but feel like he had made the wrong choice. Yeah, he loved Jason, he guessed, but he couldn't help but feel like Phil was still his lobster. But he had fucked that up real bad.

"Wanna tell the internet?" Jason asked him later that night when they were back in their apartment.

That was the part Dan was dreading the most. The internet. His fans were going to kill him, his old fans were going to kill him, Phil's fans were going to kill him, but none of that mattered to Dan. Phil knowing mattered to Dan.

"Yeah, sure." Dan lied, "They're going to find out soon enough either way." He then took a picture of his ring and decided to go for it in the caption. "Holy shit, I'm going to be Mr. Ashe." He wrote before hesitantly posting the picture.

"That's the most white girl thing I've ever heard you say." Jason teased as he wrapped his arms around him.

"Mhm." Dan mumbled as he scrolled through his notifications. Nobody was really happy about it. And then something happened.

 **AmazingPhil: Congratulations.**

It was short, but it was Phil. It was most Dan had heard from Phil in a year. That's when he couldn't take it anymore. That's when he finally broke into tears.

It had been a normal day for Phil.

Wake up.

Stare at the ceiling.

Finally get up.

Eat breakfast.

Check Twitter.

Get dressed.

Go out for an hour or so.

Eat lunch.

Watch anime.

Check Twitter.

Eat dinner.

Shower.

And sleep.

But, all of these things had one thing in common. Phil did all of these while thinking about Dan.

The 6'3 brown fringed perfection was always on his mind. Regardless of what he did. He didn't always mind. He loved Dan, even after all he'd put him through.

But, that night he hadn't been expecting it. It was a typical evening, takeout while staring at Dan's vacant spot in the lounge.

And that's when it happened. When Dan had left, Phil had turned his post notifications on for all of Dan's social medias. So he practically jumped when he got the notification. As he opened it, he couldn't help but wonder why he bothered. It's not like Dan tweeted him, or cared about him. But in the words of Phoebe Buffay, Dan was his lobster, or at least that's what he was hoping would eventually happen, but that night showed it wouldn't.

 **"Holy shit, I'm going to be Mr. Ashe."** Phil read and then looked at the picture of the ring. He typed his reply and sent it, trying to be a good person. But,

That's when it hit Phil. He had lost. He didn't have a chance with Dan, because Dan had somebody who loved him, somebody who wasn't afraid to show it. And it hurt.

That night, Phil cried until he couldn't cry anymore. But, he decided something. He was done crying over Dan. He was done moping around. He was done being the victim. Two could play at this game, and if Dan wanted to play then oh how they would play.


	7. Chapter 7

A month had passed since Dan got engaged.

And then it happened.

After a year, a year without contact and then he got the text.

Phil- **Hey, we've been stupid. It's stupid, you're my best friend and I'm happy for you. You and Jason should meet me for dinner sometime this week.**

Dan stared at the message on his screen. It had been a year since they last talked, and Phil just seemed so cool about it. Phil should've been upset, mad even at Dan, but he wasn't. He was sweet and cool, and that's why Dan loved him.

He bit his lip as he responded; **"Yeah, sure of course. I'm free any day you are."** He wrote simply

Dan shook as he sent the text, not noticing that Jason had come home from the hospital.

"Everything okay?" His fiancée asked, walking over to him.

Dan nodded as he tried to stop the shaking, "Yeah, we're going to meet Phil for dinner sometime this week."

"Like Phil Lester?" Jason asked , crossing his arms.

"Yes, like Phil Lester. Y'know, we should invite your sister, she'd enjoy it."

"We're not inviting Lexi, and we're not going." He said firmly.

"Yes, we are." Dan argued, "Phil was my best friend for the longest time, and I haven't talked to him in a year. We owe this to him."

"No, Daniel, we're not going. Okay? This is the same Phil that you said you were in love with, the same that was in love with you. And, I don't want you seeing him."

"This is the same Phil I owe my entire career to. This is the Phil that helped me realize I hated studying law. Sometimes I think this is the same Phil that is the reason I'm alive. Okay? And, you can't control what I do. I'm going whether you like it or not. And, I'm taking your sister too. With or without you." Dan said, grabbing a jacket and his phone and leaving the apartment, fuming.

Phil- **Okay, great. Does Thursday work for you?**

Dan sat on a park bench, shaking as he replied, **"Yeah, that's fine. Is it okay with you if I bring Jason's sister instead of him? She's a huge fan."**

 **"That's fine, but they can both come."** Phil replied as short time after.

 **"Eh. Probably won't happen. But, I'll definitely be there with Lex."**

 **"Is everything okay with Jason?"** Phil asked, but Dan didn't respond.

 **"Daniel."**

 **"Dan."**

 **"Dan. Please."**

 **"Daniel James Howell, get over to our apartment right now and tell me about it."**

Dan took a deep breath as he stood. He knew the way to their apartment by heart, no matter where he was in the city. He had left his keys whenever he had left, so he stood in front of the door, hesitating before knocking slowly.

Phil opened the door, standing in the doorway.

"Hey..." Dan said in a quiet voice.

"Hey." Phil responded, biting his lip slightly.

The boys sat in an awkward silence until there was pair of arms around Dan's neck.

"I'm so sorry, Phil." Dan muttered, wrapping his arms around Phil's torso.

"No, it's okay." Phil reassured him as he pulled Dan into their apartment, "Now what's wrong with your engagement?" He asked gently, pulling Dan onto the couch next to him.

"Nothing." Dan lied, shaking his head, "We haven't talked in a year, we shouldn't talk about my relationship problems."

"No. We do. You're not happy, and you more than anything deserve to be.. So tell."

"He's just being stupid. Nothing big."

"Dan, don't lie to me. I'm not stupid."

"Ugh. I guess I was kinda shaky when I replied to you the first time and hadn't noticed he had come home from the hospital, and he asked if I was alright. I told him that we were gonna meet up with you sometime and then we just got into this huge argument." He muttered, turning his gaze to the ground.

"Argument, over me?" Phil asked, biting his lip softly.

"Well, he said he didn't want to see you, and he wasn't going to let me see you, and I told him I was going to either way. Because y'know, you're my best friend, and yeah.. So, I told him I was taking sister with me whether he wanted me to or not and then I left and now we're here." Dan explained, running his words together.

"So, you're not suppose to be here right now?" Phil questioned, running his hand through his fringe.

"Well, he wouldn't want me to be, but he doesn't control me."

Phil nodded, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fuel an argument."

Dan shook his head, "You did nothing wrong."

"I know, but-"

"But nothing." Dan interrupted, "You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself."

Phil sighed, "Fine."

"Now, I'm gonna invite Lex. If Jason doesn't come, then so be it. But remember, you did nothing wrong."

Phil stood, "I'm going to make tea. I'll be back." He muttered, exiting the room.

Dan took out his phone, hesitating before texting his future sister-in-law

"Hey, I'm going to dinner with some friends on Thursday, wanna come?" He texted the girl simply.

Her reply came almost immediately **"Is my brother coming?"**

"Maybe. Don't know yet."

 **"And who else is going to be there?"**

"Just an old friend that I thought you might like."

 **"Daniel, are you saying what I think you are?!"**

"Maybe..."

 **"OMG! DANIEL HOWELL, YOU'RE THE BEST ALMOST BROTHER-IN-LAW!"**

Dan chuckled as he responded, "So. That's a yes?"

 **"Um, yeah. Of course it is!"**

"Okay, great. See you then."

 **"Omg, thank you so much, Dan."**

Phil re-entered the room, examining the grinning Dan, "You guys make up then?"

Dan shook his head, putting his phone back in his lap, "No. But, Lexi's definitely in."

Phil nodded, sitting back down, "She seems sweet."

"Oh she is. Jase went to his parents before me the day I met them, and Lex, she's fourteen, he didn't tell her who he was dating. More or less I opened the door, and she ended up like hitting Jase and then crying." Dan said with a small laugh, "She's the best."

Phil grinned, "I can't wait to meet her then."

Dan glanced down at his phone, "I-It's kind of late, do you mind if I crash here tonight? I don't wanna go back home."

Phil tried not to let his smile fall as Dan referred to his new apartment as home, "Yeah, yeah sure. Your bedroom hasn't been touched since you left."

Dan nodded, "Okay.. Thanks." He said, standing and going to his old room, "Oh, it really hasn't changed. Well, thanks, Phil." He said, retreating into the room.

Phil sighed as he watched Dan, "Night." He muttered, going to his own room, laying face down on his bed.

A little over two hours later, there was a knock on the door.

Phil checked his clock, seeing it was almost two, he trudged to the front door, opening it slowly, "Wha-" He started, but was soon pushed against the wall.

"What the hell are you doing with my fiancé?" Jason growled, holding Phil against a wall.

"What?" Phil grumbled, still mostly asleep.

"Don't what me. You know exactly what I mean."

"Okay, look, it's like two. Come back in like eight hours, then maybe we can talk." Phil muttered, as he tried to push past the other person, just to be pushed back to the wall.

"Jase, what the hell?" Dan yelled, walking to the front dogor.

"Oh, gosh, Dan." Jason said, letting go of Phil and kissing his fiancé, "I'm sorry, I was stupid, and-"

Dan cut him off, kissing him again, "Stop. It's okay."

Jason nodded, "Come back home?"

"Of course." Dan muttered as he opened the door, leaving Phil for Jason for the second time.

Phil watched the couple leave, "Bye.." He whispered, going back to his room. His eyes started to get moist, but he refused to let any tears fall. He had promised himself he was over Dan. Over him, over crying over him. Both of those things were lies. He still loved him, he still cried over him.

"You can still come." Dan told Jason that Thursday as he was straightening his fringe.

"Frankly, I still don't want you to go." Jason responded, his tone flat, as he flopped onto the bed.

"C'mon, it'll be fun. And Lex is coming.."

"No. Okay?"

Dan huffed as he stood, grabbing a jacket, "Okay, fine. I still love you." He said as he left the apartment.

A half an hour later, Dan was standing outside of some restaurant with Lexi, who was continually messing with the bottom of her ponytail.

"Don't be so nervous. It's just Phil." Dan told her with a small laugh, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"Yeah, Phil Lester." She muttered to herself.

"Oh stop." Dan rolled his eyes.

"You know what it's like. You met Phil Lester once too."

Dan sighed, "True, true, but he'll love you, I promise."

Lexi nodded as she opened the door, grabbing Dan's arm when she caught sight of a black fringe.

"Lexi, honey." Dan laughed, pulling her closer to him.

Phil turned at the sound of Dan's familiar voice, giving him and Lexi a wide smile, causing Lexi to hit Dan multiple times.

Dan just laughed, "Is this what your brother felt like when you met me for the first time?"

She nodded vigorously, looking at a loss for words.

"Well then." Dan laughed again.

Phil got up from the table he was sitting at, and walked up to the pair.

"Phil!" Dan said with a happy smile.

"Dan!" Phil responded with a smile.

Lexi hit Dan's arm lightly, "It's Phil Lester." She muttered over and over again, "Like actual Phil Lester."

"And I assume your the fiancee's sister?" Phil asked Lexi, raising his eyebrow with a happy smile.

She nodded, once again looking as if she couldn't make a proper sentence.

"Was I like this when we met?" Dan asked Phil, looking down at his future sister-in-law.

Phil nodded slightly, "A little. Except you had a much worse haircut."

Dan rolled his eyes, "Your's wasn't that amazing either. Anyway, lead us the way."

Phil nodded as he led the pair back to the table where none other than Hazel Hayes was sitting alone.

"Hazel?" Dan asked, slightly confused as he took a seat.

"Oh, we were hoping you didn't mind." Phil told Dan as he sat back down, kissing Hazel's cheek, causing Dan's stomach jump slightly.

"I-It's fine." Dan muttered, looking at the wall closest to him.

"You alright?" Lexi muttered to him, putting a hand on his arm.

Dan nodded, trying not only to convince her, but also himself.

The rest of the dinner was a blur for Dan.

Hazel and Phil were dating.

She had, in the couple of days since he had been there, taken over Dan's room.

The couple were going to make a channel together.

Phil had thrown the Sims away in an attempt to make room for new things.

Along with a lot of other Dan and Phil memories.

"Hey, you should come over sometime." Phil told Dan as they exited the restaurant.

"Yeah, sure." Dan muttered as he kept his gaze focused on the ground.

"So, we'll see you later." Phil said as he departed with Hazel one way.

"There's a park nearby, we should go." Dan told Lexi, his voice still quiet as he started to walk in the direction.

She just shrugged and followed him.

Once at the park, Dan sat on a bench.

"Daniel, what's wrong?" Lexi asked him, sitting next to him.

"I'm fine." Dan insisted, as he fixed his gaze on the ground.

"Dan." Lexi pleaded, "Please."

"Lex, it's nothing." Dan said, his voice cracking on the last word, his eyes filling with tears.

"It's Phil, isn't it?" She asked, putting a hand on his shoulder, "You can't stand to see him with her."

"No, I've got Jason. I love him more than anything."

"You still love Phil. I can see it, the way you look at him. It pains you to see him so happy. You love Jason, but not the same way you love Phil. Jason was just a fill in when you couldn't have Phil. And y'know what. Phil still loves you. He never looked at Hazel once the way he looked at you. He's only with her to get you off his mind. I know, I'm fourteen, but I do know things."

"You can't tell Jason, ever. Okay? We're going to get married and adopt kids. Just like we always talked about. He can't know about this." Dan finally turned to face her, tears slowly dripping down his pale face.

"Why do you do this to yourself? Don't marry Jason just because you think if you don't he'll never recover from it. Marry the person you love. I watched that liveshow, y'know. The one where you left. And it broke me, because I knew both of you wanted each other, you were just scared." Lexi said, "Dan. You can do this."

And Dan cried that night.

He cried at the park.

At home.

He just cried.

Lexi was right.

He needed Phil Lester.

And he was going to get him back.


	8. Chapter 8

The breakup was messy. Very messy. A sobbing Dan had came home to a very concerned fiancé.

"I can't do this anymore.." Dan whispered, wrapping his arms around himself.

"Can't do what, love?" Jason asked softly, his arms snaking around Dan's waist.

"This," Dan replied in between sobs, "I can't do us anymore." He somehow wriggled away from Jason, tears continuing to stream down his face.

"Do you not still love me?" Jason whispered, backing into a wall.

"Of course I still do," Dan muttered, his gaze now fixed on the ground, "Just not like I used to."

"This is all Lester's fault," Jason growled, "Ever since you started talking to him again, we've started slipping. Dan, please don't do this..I love you.."

"Phil has nothing to do with this," Dan cried, "It's not him, it's not you, it's me. I'm sorry, I love you too, but I can't do this anymore.."

"Dan." Jason pleaded, but Dan already had the ring off of his finger.

"I'm so sorry, Jason." Dan muttered, stepping out of the apartment, "I'll be back to get my things later." And that was it. Dan left the apartment building in tears, catching a taxi back to Phil's apartment. He knocked shakily on the apartment door, salty tears still coming down his face.

Phil answered the door, his hair a mess, "Hello?" He took one look at the mess that was Dan before wrapping his arms around the brunette.

Dan melted into the hug, sobbing heavily into Phil's shoulder.

"Dan," Phil asked softly, "What's wrong?"

Dan didn't actually give Phil an answer, instead he just cried.

"Dan," Phil tried again, "Please just tell me."

The sobs just became heavier.

Phil finally came up with an idea, "Bear," He attempted. He hadn't used that nickname in roughly seven years, and he thought maybe it would help. It actually just made Dan's sobs grow heavier than before, "Dan.." Phil trailed before glancing down, "Dan.. W-where's your ring...?" He asked carefully.

"It's not mine anymore." Dan finally managed.

"What do you mean..?" Phil asked again, not fully understanding what it meant.

"I-I'm no longer engaged." Dan whispered before burrying his head back into Phil's shoulder.

Phil's heart skipped a beat whenever he heard those four words. Isn't this what he had wanted? Well, no, not technically . Phil had wanted Dan, and when Dan got engaged, he wanted nothing more than to make him jealous. He was regretting that. Of course Phil still wanted Dan. What person in the right mind wouldn't? But he had gone out and got a Hazel. He couldn't just leave Hazel.

"Come in," Phil finally said, leading Dan into their apartment, "So what happened?" He asked, trying (and failing) to wipe the tears falling from Dan's pale face.

"Fight." Dan whispered, pulling his knees to his chest, "Really, really big fight."

"Oh," Phil muttered, "I'm sorry."

Dan shrugged, "Nothing to be sorry about."

Phil pulled Dan into another hug, "There's so much that I should be sorry about, Daniel, please don't act like there isn't."

"I should be apologizing to you." Dan whispered, "This is all my fault."

"No," Phil muttered, hugging Dan tighter, "It's not."

Dan couldn't argue as heavy sobs were once again escaping his throat, his tears coating Phil's shirt.

Phil could only hug Dan tighter, rubbing the back of his neck.

Dan's sobs filled the apartment, alarming the other person who he had forgotten lived there.

A concerned Hazel walked into the room, opening her mouth before Phil shook his head, ushering her to be quiet.

She raised an eyebrow, looking at Dan.

Phil shook his head, 'I'll tell you later.' He mouthed to her, putting his shoulder onto the top of Dan's head as his girlfriend left the room.

"Bear," Phil tried again quietly, "Can you tell me what actually happened?"

Dan nodded as he tried to respond, words getting jumbled in his throat, instead being replaced by louder sobs.

"Okay, okay," Phil whispered, rubbing his neck again, "Don't tell me, you don't have to tell me."

Dan nodded again, feeling the dampness of Phil's shirt, "I'm sorry," He muttered as he pulled away from him, "About your shirt."

Phil laughed quietly, "It'll dry." He assured Dan.

Dan nodded, "Can-can I stay here tonight, maybe? The only other place I have is my parent's house, and I don't want to go there right now."

"Of course, this is still your apartment too. Always will be," Phil promised, "But, um Hazel has your room now.."

"Oh, yeah, you told me," Dan muttered, tears still flowing down his pale face, "Okay, never mind I'll go home."

"No, no." Phil whispered, "Still your apartment, y'know what. Move back in, I'll give you your room back. Tonight you can sleep on the couch."

Dan mustered a smile as he hugged Phil again, "Thank you."

Phil hugged Dan back, smiling to himself. Deep down, this is what he had wanted for the past year and a half. Dan back. There was a problem, a blonde problem. A blonde problem that went by the name of Hazel.

Phil had only started dating Hazel to make Dan jealous, and it seemed to have worked. For whatever reason, Phil had a feeling deep down that Dan had broke off his engagement because he still loved him. He didn't love Hazel, he didn't. He loved Dan, but he had a Hazel, and he was way too nice just to dump Hazel two weeks after they started dating. He had to continue on with Hazel for a little while, then get them to break up mutually, so that he didn't look like a complete ass.

"Gaming channel?" Dan asked quietly, "Can we still..?"

"Of course," Phil assured him. It was a little secret of Phil's that he hadn't actually thrown out the Sims, or any of their other old gaming things. He just moved them out of the office, "Do you want me to leave? You've had a long day, you must want to get some sleep."

Dan nodded, "Yeah, if you wouldn't mind."

Phil hugged him again, "Of course, everything's still where it was before you left. You're welcome to anything."

Dan smiled at him weakly, "Thank you," He muttered again as he grabbed one of his old blankets.

"Anything for you," Phil whispered, "Hey, thanks for coming back. Thanks for talking to me. I'll be in my room, you're welcome to come and talk to any time of the night."

Dan nodded, "Goodnight, Phil." He said weakly.

"Night, Dan," Phil responded as he shut off the light to the room, closing the door as he left.

Dan stayed awake for a long time after that, staring blankly at the wall, going over that day's actions in his head. He was glad he had done it, but it hurt. It really hurt, it was like there was a hole in his heart, a hole that needed to be filled. The thing was, Jason didn't fill that whole, he just occupied it for a while. Phil was the one who was meant to fill that hole, but he had a Hazel. Dan had lost, once again, he could never win. He stared at the wall before receiving a text.

"I'm proud of you," His ex- almost sister-in-law texted him. That sent him into more sobs. He hadn't stopped crying since he left Jason's apartment, but now his sobs were picking up again.

That hole needed to be filled. The Phil shaped hole, but it couldn't be. Not for a while, and it killed Dan as he realized this in that dark room. That's whenever he realized it was starting to storm. That dark and stormy night was whenever he realized he wanted, needed, Phil Lester for the second time on that couch. Stormy nights, apparently they did something for Dan realizing his feeling, especially when it came to Phil. Only one thing was prominent in Dan's mind, winning Phil back.


	9. Chapter 9

Dan woke up the next morning, his face tear stained, and his head pounding. He ran a hand through the mess of a mop that he called hair, before checking the time. It was only 9:30, but he knew there was no point in going back to sleep. He wouldn't be able to sleep again. Dan arose from the couch, and trudged into the kitchen, his kitchen. The thought made him smile, after a year, he could finally call the apartment home again. He started the coffee, and grabbed a mug. The Dan and Phil mug, maybe that would get him back to the old Dan Howell. The one before he fell for Phil. The one before he left for a year. The one before Hazel... Sadly, that wasn't about to happen in the course of a couple of hours. Once he had his coffee, he settled back onto the couch, pulling his phone out. Twitter was unhinged. Apparently the split between him and Jason had made it's public debut. People were happy with him again. That was good. He reminded himself to make a video about it soon, but at the moment social media was the best he could get. He simply took a photo of the room, captioning it with the words, 'Don't worry, guys, I'm home..' If there was one thing he knew how to do, it was making the Phandom go crazy. Instantly, his phone was blown up by Twitter notifications. Likes, retweets, anything and everything.

"PHAN IS BACK!" Was the tweet that first caught his eye, making him laugh. One could only wish.

"Well, screw Hazel, Dan's back," Another tweet, making Dan laugh.

Everybody was going insane. In a good way, of course, the way the Phandom never failed to do. He was happy again, for the first time in almost a day. Truly happy, and his fans were happy with him. That was definitely something that Jason had made him miss. His finger felt different, bare, without the gold ring that had previously adorned his finger.

Dan was pulled out of his thoughts by Phil walking into the room.

"Hey," Dan whispered, smiling up at the older.

"Hello," Phil responded with his signature grin, "How are you?" He asked, sitting next to the brown-haired boy.

Dan shrugged, putting the coffee mug to his lips, "Better," He assured, "Much better."

Phil nodded, putting a hand on Dan's cheek. Dan turned to look at the elder, and his breathing stuttered. For a moment, Dan thought that Phil was going to kiss him. Of course, he didn't, but that didn't stop Dan's heart from fluttering.

Phil, of course, thought about kissing the other, but he couldn't. Not yet at least. He couldn't make it that obvious with Hazel. He drew back his hand, and thought he saw almost disappointment in Dan's brown eyes.

Dan finally breathed again as Phil took back his hand. His brown-eyes gazed at the floor, his face flushing.

Phil followed Dan's gaze to the floor, seeing his friend's face redden. Inside, he grinned, but he pretended not to notice. For Dan's sake. For his own sake. For Hazel's sake.

They stayed in silence until Hazel made her way downstairs.

"Hello," She greeted the boys, a smile on her pale face.

Dan grumbled in response, while Phillip caught the blonde's hand. He pulled her over to him, kissing her hand.

Dan bit his lip, his resentment showing through his 'no expressional' face.

Phil could see it in Dan's eyes, of course he could, but he didn't say anything about it. Instead, he just focused his gaze on the ground.

Hazel didn't see anything wrong with the situation, well maybe it was a little tense, but other than that she decided it was fine. She went to the kitchen, got coffee, and sat down across from Phil. She tried to make conversation, 'So, Dan, how's your life been?' Well how did she think his life had been? For the past year, he'd been in love with his best friend, his fans had hated him (Well now they loved him again), got engaged, broken off an engagement, and he was still in love with his best friend. Yep, his life was just the best.

It's not like Hazel didn't know about Dan's thing for Phil. It was everywhere. Magazines, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and literally everywhere else. Everybody knew, especially everybody who was a YouTuber. She just didn't think Dan was a threat. After all, Phil had had seven years to make a move. If he was going to, he would have by now, right?

Well, no, Hazel Hayes, he would not have.

After a lot of awkward small talk, Dan went with Phil to reclaim his room. It had been changed to accompany Hazel's things, but Phil said that it didn't matter. They could move things around, and they would. Phil would do anything for Dan.

Dan's sheets had been moved to a hall closet, along with most of the rest of his stuff. It could be rearranged to the way it had originally been. The old, rickety piano was still there, it hadn't been touched since Dan's departure. Whenever Phil left the room to go check on his girlfriend, Dan sat down on the piano bench. He ran his fingers over the keys, closing his eyes at the familiar texture. He pressed down on one of the keys, jumping when he didn't expect the noise that came from it. He then went on to play Beethoven's Für Elise. It was one of the most familiar songs to him, and it was almost comforting. He opened his eyes whenever he finished, breathing out. He hadn't realized he had stopped breathing. The sound of clapping made him practically spring of off of the bench.

Phil was standing in the doorway, hands slapping against one another, "That was amazing. I've missed the sound of that dusty old thing," He said this softly, almost as if he were afraid of hurting Dan.

Dan shrugged, "Where's Hazel?" He questioned, his voice low.

"She had meetings all day, it's just us for right now. Just like old times," Phil whispered this, walking into the room. He took up the rest of the bench seat, his arm brushing Dan's. They just sat for a while. Dan almost rested his head on Phil's shoulder, but ultimately decided against it. Dan was the first to break their little break of silence.

"I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. For all of this. This is my fault, now we don't have the Sims, or like anything else about Dan and Phil. I'm sorry.." Dan whispered this all, his voice cracking frequently.

Phil swallowed, looking up at Dan, "Wanna know a dirty little secret?" He asked.

"Do I?" Dan questioned, his heart beginning to race.

"I didn't throw any of our stuff away. That's just what I told Hazel," Phil admitted, shrugging like it was nothing big.

Dan couldn't help but giggle, "Phillip Lester, you're so scandalous," He teased.

It was Phil's turn to giggle this time, "That's what I want wrote on my tombstone."

That sent Dan into more fits of laughter, "Here lies Philip Lester. The most scandalous YouTuber of his time."

Phil could hardly breathe as he responded, "There ya go, you're officially in charge of my tombstone."

They laughed until they were wheezing.

"Okay, new subject," Phil finally managed, "Netflix marathon?" He asked.

Dan nodded enthusiastically, "Yes, of course, lead the way."

With a smile, Phil led the way back to the lounge. They settled on the couch, after many breaks to get tea and snacks, and finally decided that they would just re-watch Stranger Things. They had binged it once, and they had tons of Anime to catch up on, but it seemed pointless to start it again. They were nearing the end of the third episode whenever Dan was yelling at the TV.

"Goddammit, Mike," He was practically yelling, "Don't yell at her, this isn't Eleven's fault. No, Mike, you just need a hug."

Phil had to agree, "I hate when they yell at Eleven, she's just trying to help. And little Mike just needs to be consoled."

Dan nodded, "And I get it, you're having a rough week, but Eleven's had a rough life."

Stranger Things. Stranger Things was the thing that made Dan feel at home again with Phil. It seemed to bring them back to their original closeness. Almost to the same amount of friendship. They both still cared, loved each other just as much as they had previously, but things were different now.

Dan blamed himself, Phil blamed himself. Both boys felt terrible, but how to make it better? That's a chapter for another day..


	10. Chapter 10

Whenever Hazel returned back to the apartment, Dan and Phil were still yelling at teenagers on their tv.

"What the hell are going on here" She questioned, walking into the lounge.

Phil gestured for her to come over to him.

Dan, however, just kept yelling at the television, "No, Lucas, she's not trying to get you all killed. She just wants to help!" He ignored the confused look he was getting. He huffed, leaning back onto the couch.

"It's just a show," Hazel muttered, earning a glare from Dan. He did manage to bite his tongue, keeping quiet.

The room turned silent, and Dan bit his lip. Whenever it had been just him and Phil living there, it had never became awkward, or quiet. Now it was both of those things. It was his fault, Dan knew that, but still he couldn't help but blame Hazel. He watched the two of them out of the corner of his eye. It's almost like they had forgot that he was there. He rolled his eyes, getting back on Twitter. His frown quickly turned into a smirk as he read through all the things people had been tweeting him. Most of them involved how Hazel better watch out.

Phil seemed to notice how Dan had lit up, and took a minute to just looked at him. He was gorgeous- no, he wasn't. He was his best friend. That's all.

Dan looked over at Phil, just as he looked away. He could have sworn that he was being stared out- it was probably just him getting his hopes up. He sighed quietly, going back to looking at his phone. At least his fans loved him again, that was better than nobody. He got up from the room, tired of the tension building in the room. He went to his bedroom, flopping onto the bed. He hadn't realized how tired he was until his body had hit the mattress. Within a matter of minutes, Dan was asleep.

Phil had gone searching for Dan whenever they had decided to order something for dinner. It hadn't taken him long to find Dan passed out. He smiled contently, going over and placing a blanket on the poor boy. He ran a hand through the other's hair. He could feel himself leaning down to kiss Dan's hair, but stopped himself. What was happening to him? He stared at the boy for a few more seconds before he left the room. He ran a hand through his own fringe, pacing back and forth down the narrow hall.

"What's wrong?" He suddenly heard a voice from behind him saw. He turned, and came face to face with Hazel.

He shook his head, "Nothing, I'm fine," He said, putting a smile on, "I'm just great, actually. Oh, um, Dan's asleep, so you can order whatever you want for dinner."

Hazel left without another question, leaving Phil alone again. He began to pace again, biting his lip. He wrang his hands until he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist. He froze, turning around. His heart dropped when his blue eyes met a pair of brown ones. "Dan..." He trailed off for a minute, "What are you do-" He was cut off by a pair of lips on his own. His heart fluttered, but he knew what he had to do, "Dan, no," He whispered.

Dan obviously wasn't taking any of that. He just groaned, leaning down to kiss Phil again. Once his lips were on the other boy's, everything was at ease. It was almost like the world had stopped spinning.

"Dan," Phil tried again, once again getting cut off, "Dan, listen to me, please. I can't, not right no-"

Dan groaned, and Phil swore he could see tears in them, "Then when, Phil? I've been waiting for seven damn years, and I've gotten nowhere. I'm tired of being in the same spot with you, almost there, but not quite. When does it change? When do I win for once?"

Phil put his hand on Dan's cheek, caressing it softly, "I don't know, Dan, I don't know if it ever will," He whispered, "But one day, maybe. Anything can happen, you know that. Please, I'm sorry, but please don't."

"Goddammit," Dan almost yelled, and he finally let the tears fall slowly down his face, "Seven years, Phil, seven! I've waited, why not now? Why do I always have to wait. I've done everything to forget about it. I got engaged for heaven's sake, Phil. Why not now?"

Phil tried calming Dan, but he knew it was no point, "Dan, you know why."

Dan just walked out of the room, into his bedroom. He had been in the apartment for a total of twenty hours, and he was already sobbing over Phil again.

"Dan," Phil knocked on the other's door softly, "Dan, please talk to me," He whispered.

Dan just stayed in the bed, ignoring Phil. Something he had became particularly good at. He tried, but failed, not to sob into his pillow.

Phil slid down Dan's wall, listening to the other boy's sobs, "Dan," He whispered again, "Please let me in, please. I can help, please, Daniel." Phil continued to plea to Dan until he heard Hazel opening the front door. He got up from the floor, trying to make sure he didn't look like the distressed mess he was, "Hey," He said, his voice deep.

"Hi," Hazel responded, perky as usual, "Dan still asleep?"

Phil nodded, his gaze momentarily looking at the ground, "Yeah, I don't know if he'll be awake anytime soon, had a long night last night."

Hazel bought the lie, not thinking twice about the words that Phil spoke. They ate in pretty well silence, guilt building in Phil's stomach. He had to force the food into his mouth, feeling almost as if he were going to throw it all back up.

"You sure everything's okay?" Hazel asked him for what seemed like the hundredth time, "You seem kind of distant."

Phil bit the inside of his lip, "I'm great, just kind of worried about Dan," He muttered. That was the closest thing to the truth he had told her since she'd got back.

"I see," She responded, "Dan seems tough, I'm sure he'll be fine over time."

Phil agreed with his girlfriend, but deep inside he knew that that wasn't true. He knew that Dan was suffering, making himself suffer it seemed like. Phil had known Dan long enough to know that he didn't mean to, but he often did thing's like that. Worried himself sick, made himself suffer, and it broke Phil.

When Hazel went to shower, Phil went to Dan's bedroom. Apparently, the door had been unlocked the entire time. He walked over to the once again asleep Dan, and placed a blanket on top of him. He reached down, petting his curls. He crouched down beside him, noticing how he still looked like an angel whenever he was asleep. He placed a soft kiss on Dan's forehead before retreating. "One day," He whispered, leaving the room.


	11. Chapter 11

The next day, Dan was the first one awake, surprisingly enough. He groaned at the sunlight coming in from the window, hitting him directly in the face, grabbing his phone from the table beside him. The time read 10:23. He checked Twitter, staring at the ceiling whenever he found himself bored with that. He laid in his bed for another twenty minutes, finally getting up at a quarter till 11:00. He walked into the lounge, sighing in relief whenever he found it empty.

That gave him slightly more time to figure out what to say to Phil. Relief flooded him even more whenever he found the kitchen also empty. He grabbed a bowl, biting his lip while pouring cereal into it. After making his cereal, he went back to the lounge, turning on some anime to distract him for a little while more. He managed to get through a couple of episodes, and his breakfast, before either of the other two living in the apartment woke up. Whenever he heard the footsteps, he closed his eyes, mentally preparing for whatever was in store for the day.

Whenever Phil walked into the lounge, Dan automatically walked out, going to the kitchen to put up his bowl.

Whenever Phil walked into the kitchen, Dan automatically walked out, going to shower. One of the only places he could be alone with his thoughts. He sat in the bathroom, back against the shower wall for the better part of an hour before he finally actually got into the shower. He let the water wash over him, staring blankly at the tiled wall.

'How could someone be so stupid?' He continually thought, wanting nothing more than to crawl into the fetal position to die. Lost in his thoughts, he stayed in the water until it went cold, the cold water being the only thing that brought him back into the hell that reality was for him. He turned the water off, wrapping a towel around himself, staring into the mirror. He couldn't take looking at himself any longer whenever he made one of the stupider decisions in his life: He punched the mirror.

Dan immediately regretted it. He bit his lip to keep from screaming, looking down to inspect his hand. Nothing but red covered it, little pieces of glass embedded in the cut. He looked up at the now broken mirror, and bit his lip harder. He wrapped his hand in an old rag from the cupboard, trying to keep the towel around himself, as he tried his best to go unnoticed as he walked to his room. Once he was in the safety of his bedroom, he let the rag fall off of his hand, cringing at the amount of blood his limb was producing. He knew he had to go to a hospital, but he couldn't risk it. He couldn't risk going to the hospital and seeing a certain _someone._ He laid on his bed, only the towel still covering him, staring at the ceiling trying to decide what to do. His thoughts were interrupted by Phil bursting into his room.

Dan cursed at himself whenever he realized he had forgotten to lock the door, trying his best to hide the blood covered rag he was holding.

"Dan, liste-" Phil started to say before he realized Dan was practically naked and just laying there, "Oh, sorry, I'll come ba- What the hell happened to your hand?" He asked, going to touch the other whenever Dan pulled his hand back.

Dan flinched whenever he moved his hand, "Please leave," He whispered.

"Not until you tell me what happened," Phil insisted, once again going to pick up Dan's hand.

Dan didn't resist this time, letting Phil inspect his cut. He did, however, ignore the question.

Phil sighed, looking it over, "What happened?" He asked again.

"I punched the goddamn mirror, okay?" Dan finally confessed annoyance clear in his voice.

"What the hell?" Phil exclaimed, "Why would you do that?"

"Because I didn't want to look at my reflection anymore," He rolled his eyes, "Obviously."

Phil groaned, "Don't get snappy with me, I didn't do anything," Dan mumbled a half-hearted sorry as Phil began to speak again, "But we need to get you to a hospital before this gets infected."

"No," Dan argued, "I'm not going anywhere, it'll either heal on its own, or my hand will just fall off. Whichever happens, I don't care."

"Get up, get dressed, meet me in the lounge, we're going to the hospital," Phil instructed as he left Dan's room, shutting the door.

Dan knew better than to argue, and he did what he was told, trying his best not to soak blood through everything. Let's just say, he failed at that.

He grabbed a new rag on his way to the lounge, and blood almost immediately soaked through it.

Phil was already in the lounge whenever Dan arrived, and he practically pushed Dan out of the apartment before he could even say anything.

The taxi ride to the hospital was almost silent, only the occasional quick banter.

Dan leaned as far away from Phil as he could, staring out of the window.

Phil kept trying to make conversation, but every time he would, Dan would give a mumbled one word response before going back to ignoring him.

Whenever they actually arrived at the hospital, Phil practically had to force Dan out of the vehicle. Dan did everything in his power to resist, but in the end Phil forced him into the lobby of the building.

Dan laid low, his head down and standing behind Phil every chance he got. Everybody there knew him, and he didn't need their judgement. And he definitely didn't want it.

They sat in the waiting room, Phil filling out the forms as Dan did nothing to help. Whenever they finally got back into the room, Dan was more than relived to know that the doctor was new, had just started there. He didn't glare at Dan, or make him feel worse than he already did, and Dan had never been more grateful.

He ended up with 8 stitches in his hand, and a more than annoyed Phil by the end of it. Whenever they got to the apartment, Phil went immediately to his room, leaving Dan to fend for himself. He laid on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, just how he did most everyday. He fell asleep on the couch, and was awoken by Phil turning on the tv.

"Sorry," He muttered whenever he realized that he had woken Dan up, but he didn't bother to turn it off.

Dan went to his bedroom, where he once again fell asleep, trying to forget the past couple of days.


	12. Chapter 12

Hey, y'all. Sorry these stories haven't been updated in literally forever, but i got dumped again recently and it sucks and my sadness would reflect in my writing and we don't want that. But i haven't given up on these stories yet, i promise.


	13. Chapter 13

Two years later and not much had changed. Everyday was basically the same as it had been for the past 730 days. Everything was still basically the same. Except for one thing: Phil and Hazel were now engaged. It hurt Dan more than he thought he could ever be hurt. He tried not to leave his room, he barely talked to either of them, and his social medias had become his one source of entertainment (even more so than before).

Phil tried to talk to him, he really did, but Dan never let their conversation go on for too long. He didn't know what to do. Dan had figured that his 'crush' would go away eventually, but it never did. Every time he looked at Phil he felt the same way he did that first day at the train station. Like that giddy 18 year old kid he was so many years ago. He acted like he wanted nothing to do with Hazel and Phil, but in reality it just hurt less to stay away.

It hurt Phil to see Dan like this also. He just wanted his best friend back, he wanted that giddy 18 year old kid back. The kid who stalked him obsessively and did anything and everything to meet him. It hurt him to see Dan being so reclusive. So distant from him. That hadn't happened in years. Especially with his wedding so soon. He always imagined that Dan would be right there with him whenever he got married. Beside him every step of his way. Beside him as his best man. And he figured he'd do the same whenever Dan got married.

If Phil was being honest, he did't even really want to marry Hazel. It was just want everybody else wanted; Everybody but Dan. They rarely saw Dan these days, but when they did he would run at even the slightest mention of the wedding.

"Dan," Phil said one night, knocking on his bedroom door, "Can we talk?"

There was no reply.

"Dan, please I just want to talk," Phil plead.

Once again, there was no reply.

"Dan," Phil said, trying to open the door only to find it locked, "We can't keep living this way." Whenever Dan didn't reply again, Phil did the opposite of what he had wanted to do; He took his key and he opened the door. He opened it to find Dan laying across his bed, staring at the ceiling, "Hey," Phil basically mumbled, going to go and sit on the end of the bed.

Dan just groaned in return.

"What happened to us?" Phil whispered, "This isn't you, this isn't us-"

Dan shot up, "No. This is us now. This wasn't us, but it is now."

"What changed?" Phil begged, "What happened?"

Dan choked up, tears welling up in his eyes, "What the hell do you think happened?"

"Don't blame this on Hazel," Phil said through gritted teeth.

Dan shrugged, laying back down, "Then I guess I can't blame it on anything. Thing's just change, people drift apart."

"I miss you, Dan," Phil mumbled, looking up to meet Dan's eyes, "I miss us. We're Dan and Phil. Not Dan or Phil-"

"We. Were. Dan. And. Phil," Dan said, starting to raise his voice, "That's the past. It's over now. Move on, get over it."

Phil stood up going to the door, "I just wanted you to be my best man, Dan, that's all," He whispered, tears in his eyes as he left.

Their conversation left them both crying on opposite sides of the door.

Two hours later, Dan came out of his room. Hair a mess, bags under his eyes worse than they had been in months, but he came out.

He sat on the opposite end of the couch from Phil, and the two of them sat in silence for what seemed like hours. It was only about two minutes.

"I'll do it," Dan finally whispered, "If you really want me to, I'll do the speeches and the planning and whatever else I have to do."

Phil's face lit up, "Really?" He said, "Do you mean it?"

Dan nodded and was automatically attacked in a massive hug by his best friend, "Thank you so much."

From then on out Dan was still in hell, but it was a little less hell-like. At least he was making Phil happy. Except Phil didn't really seem happy. Not genuinely happy whenever they talked about the wedding. It worried Dan. He knew Phil better than anybody, he cared about Phil more than anybody, but he never knew what to say. He didn't want to upset Phil, so he just let it be. Until the night before the bachelor party.

"Phil," Dan muttered as they watched tv.

"Hm?" Came the reply from the other end.

"Are you sure you want to marry Hazel? You don't seem happy, not actually happy. It's not the same as it used to be, and maybe I've just missed it, but you don't seem like you want this."

Phil's eyes became misty and his lip started to shake. He looked down before shaking his head. He tapped his fingers on his leg and finally he spoke on simple word, "No."

 **IM BACKKKKKK. Sorry this is short, but I just wanted to come back and introduce this chapter. Yay.**


	14. Chapter 14

No.

Two letters

Two letters that drove Dan crazy for weeks.

What did Phil mean no? No he didn't want to marry Hazel? No Dan was wrong and that was exactly what he wanted? No he wasn't happy? No what?

Dan never mustered up the courage to ask Phil to elaborate, and Phil never offered to.

Things were tense, to say the least, for they had been for many months now. It was almost as tense was the new normal around the apartment. Wedding planning was in full swing, that being almost the only topic that was discussed among the group nowadays. Colors, who to invite, who not to invite, menus, place settings, the list went on and on. Dan didn't care about any of these things, none of them particularly pertained to him, but somehow he always got dragged into it for his opinion. This annoyed him, but he did his best not to let it show too badly. He just imagined it was his wedding, his and Ph- No, he couldn't think like that. Thinking like that would do him no good, it would probably just hurt him more anything. He knew this, but he wasn't so sure he cared at this point.

Without Phil, his life wouldn't be what he wanted it to be. He had tried to get past this, many times, he had gotten engaged, been on many dates, hooked up with some guys, and nothing worked. Everything in his life came back to Phil. The man he had wanted to be his from the time he was an 18 year old kid watching him through a screen. And now this man he had wanted nearly half of his life was getting married to someone else. A former friend of Dan's, someone who hadn't done anything to him, but now he couldn't stand to be in the same room with her. He didn't even want to look at her, just because Phil had picked her over him.

As the wedding creeped closer, Dan realized as best man he would have to start to plan his things. Speech, he could figure that out, talk about his good times with Phil, maybe make a few kind remarks about Hazel, he would manage. Bachelor party? Now that didn't seem his speed, or like something he would like. Bachelor parties, in the wise words of Joey Tribianni, are "a grand tradition," So he knew he had to throw the best one. Stereotypically, there would be strippers and booze, but none of that seemed very Phil-like. Phil wasn't drunken nights and throwing ones at half-naked girls. He was coffee at midnight with Netflix on the TV. But none of that seemed very bachelor party-like.

"Phil," Dan called one day from the lounge, "I have a question."

Within seconds, Phil appeared, still dressed in pajamas even if it was late afternoon, "Anything you need," He said, sitting on the opposite end of the couch from him.

"Bachelor party?" He said, barely looking up from the laptop he was looking at, "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," Phil replied with a shrug, "You're the best man, you figure it out," He teased with a smile.

It took all of Dan's strength not to roll his eyes, but he did sigh, "Okay. I'll figure it out," He said quietly, "You can go."

As soon as Phil was out of the room, Dan tilted his head back, quietly screaming into the oblivion in front of him. Once he calmed himself down enough, he went back to his research of things to do when your best friend's getting married but you don't want to go to a strip joint. Eventually he got it planned out. It would be a couple of days before the wedding, not traditionally the night before incase someone did end up horribly drunk, not too many people Martyn and a couple of their other close friends, and this was the exact plan: Hazel would be out with her friends, he wouldn't actually invite anyone else, he would get drunk, like super drunk, get Phil into the lounge or his bedroom, and he'd tell him everything he had wanted to tell him. The wedding would be off, he would get what he wanted and everything would be okay. Yeah everything was going to be okay.

Of course that wasn't the actual plan. The actual plan consisted of wine tasting, a big fancy dinner, some anecdotes, then when everyone was back at their hotels and it was just him and Phil at home, he would order Chinese and play video games just like they used to. Just like before Hazel.

Two nights before the big party, the day whenever everyone was suppose to come in, London and surrounding areas were hit with a big snow storm halting all traffic coming in and out of London, leaving Dan and Phil the only two people who would be able to attend this grand send off into married life. Along with that, Hazel was stuck in Paris with her friends. For the first time in what seemed like forever, they would be alone in the apartment for a night, and Dan was determined to make it count.

Thursday night, there was an array of leftover Chinese and pizza displayed on the coffee table. Mario Kart was on the TV ready to be played, and Dan was on one couch with Phil on the other. Dan's stomach was filled with everything from joy to dread, he didn't know what he was going to say, he didn't know how he was going to say it, but he knew he would have to find a way to do it. Halfway through the second game, and Dan was damn near last, something he never allowed himself to do. Phil paused the game and rolled on his side to look at Dan.

"Alright, what's wrong?" Phil asked, tucking a hand under his chin.

Dan barely looked from the screen to Phil as he shrugged, "Nothing," He replied.

"No, we're not playing that game today," Phil said as he moved from his couch over to Dan's, almost sitting on top of the other man, "Now, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Dan said again, palms starting to sweat as Phil sat next to him, "Can we get back to the game now? There's not gonna be any time to play video games when you're married and out of here," He almost whispered, looking away from Phil.

Phil frowned, looking over at Dan again, "What do you mean when I'm married and gone?"

"Well you're not going to want to live with me anymore when you're all married and starting a family. Why would you? Nobody wants some third-wheel to be hanging around literally all the time. I figured you'll leave, or you'll want me to leave. After all, the apartment's too big for just one person and I don't have another person to room with. I'll just find some one bedroom apartment, we'll see each other maybe twice a month, and you're life will be great and I'll just be alone for the rest of my life," Dan finally just let it all out, not realizing his eyes were getting misty.

Phil didn't know what to say, but he tried, "It's not gonna- why would you think like th- of course that's not going to happen," He blubbered on, trying to find the right words to say. Before he could figure it out, however, there was another mouth on his cutting his words off. He didn't have time to react before Dan had come to his senses and he finally pulled back.

"God, I'm so sorry," He apologized, words coming out faster than normal, "I don't know what came over me, you're getting married and I know that was way out of l-" Before Dan could finish, there was another mouth on his.

Phil's mouth.


End file.
